ok time to settle down again after the furore of activity across the xmas weekend, so here are some updates of what's been happening in my life:


(1) i've finally decided on my modules this upcoming semester, once again, in no order of merit, they are. . .


SC1101E - MAKING SENSE OF SOCIETY
HY2247 - SPORTS AND HISTORY
HY2242 - SINGAPORE'S MILITARY HISTORY
EL2101 - STRUCTURE OF SENTENCES AND MEANINGS
USE2304 - SINGAPORE: MAKING OF A NATION
USS2105 - UNIVERSITY SCHOLARS SEMINAR


yes you didn't count wrongly - there are 6 modules in total. i just feel like trying to take 6 and then seeing how its like, surely it can't be that bad, no? and as i have explained to some, i'd rather get burnt than not have had the experience of playing with fire. wish me luck ya?


(2) my new photoblog is out, i've decided to change from my old one at webshots because i unknowingly exceeded the picture limit, so here it is:


http://beautifulbrandon.myphotoalbum.com


so to those wonderful USP peeps that have been asking me for the photos. . . they are all uploaded there (albeit not certain "controversial" pics that i shall withhold for my viewing pleasure lol)


(3) haha more movie reviews are on the way. . . i just downloaded "Irreversible" so watch this space for the movie review as well as other updates. . . till then. . . ciao!


and oh. . . WHY AM I STILL LOSING AT MAHJONG?!

yes i know its a relatively old show, but you guys should really watch "Closer", its really good, one of the few movies that actually retained its "watchability" even after 2 times.


"Closer" is a powerful indictment of the harshness of love - it leads you on with an illusion of truth - the oasis in a desert of loneliness; yet ultimately gnaws into, and leaves you hurting at the end. it evokes sympathy when we see how 4 beautiful people throw themselves wholeheartedly to the desires of the heart only to find, by the time the closing credits flash onscreen, that their desire for happiness has been crushed to bits. the one thing worse than a momentary heartbreak is a lingering heartache.


the most compelling character for me was Julia Roberts' Anna, a photographer, someone whose profession entails, and endows her with the power of the gaze - people become the objects of her work that she proudly exhibits, and hence becomes the object of another person's gaze and judgement. yet there is a distinct reversal of power in her relationships with both the male characters, for, despite all the power she may wield over the camera, she can do little to stop the downward spiral of her relationships when she becomes part of someone else's life. the "closer" she becomes intertwined and contorted with the lives of the others, the more estranged they become from the relationship; the harder they try, the more they fail at the cliched Game of Love.


one thing that really struck me, and perhaps something that warrants further thought: what does the movie say about human relationships if the only thing we see the characters being truthful about is their physical attraction and hence, desire to sleep with each others? if truth necessitates the medium of sex, are we not carnal beings indulging in desires of the flesh? and if that is who we are beneath the veneers (and sheets), has our evolution from the primates then, been nothing but a myth?

ok lah, teresa and the others were right - the results didn't turn out as bad as expected. in fact, i'm quite contented maybe because i didn't expect much from it lah. i could have done slightly better (especially for my wonderful usp modules, putting in the most effort for the least results lol) but at the same time could have done alot worse. . .


but whats important is that i don't want to diao zeng, die die must move on, put whatever successes and disappointments for this sem behind me and get ready to play the Game for another *curse silently under his breath* 7 semesters. . .


but NUS good ah, they give me results make me abit happy first, and then never pre-allocate to me one of my usp mods next sem, ULS2202 - Evolution. wah sibei sian. and since i am so spoilt (having got all my modules for 1pt this sem) i'll probably not bid for it at all . . . meaning that i gotta re-plan all the bloody modules again, but fark lah who do this sorta things during xmas one?!?!


the council's coming over pretty soon to wreck my house for the 2nd year running so in case you don't see any more blog posts after this, don't worry it just means i've been evicted out of my own dwellings and you'll probably find me within the next few days sleeping at a void deck near you. . . merry xmas!

this has to be, by far the most rotten holiday i've ever had. feels like a colossal waste of my time and energy spent having to trudge through most of the days. i'm frustrated and drained. and yes, i know most of you would stone me alive for saying this, but i really wish for school to start - at least then i know that there is something that can give me a direction and purpose.


what is so rotten about this holiday. . . let me count the ways. . .
(1) computer kena spyware and display adaptor problems, still not resolved yet because of. . .


(2) me being totally broke (i started the sem with a mid 4-digit bank account balance and am now left with a 2-digit one), which can be partly due to. . .


(3) me continually losing at mahjong. yes i know that i sound like a bunch of really sour grapes, but i simply cannot stomach the fact that i've lost nearly a hundred bucks in less than a month. furthermore. . .


(4) my mom suddenly told me to shoulder the financial burden of my driving lessons + test without prior warning, something that is also gonna get worse next year because. . .


(5) i failed my fucking driving test for the 2nd time. i'm not going to go into details because its over and i do not want to talk about it, but having to re-take it plus a few lessons would essentially set be back by another 300 bucks at least which i obviously cannot spare at this current point of time.


and oh, the results are due to be out in less than 24 hours. i do not which to be bitter or cynical about it, but in retrospect of all that has transpired above, i cannot help but feel its just gonna be the icing on the cake - a perfect way to end of 2005. i started it off with a bang with signing 5 extra duties for a security breach in the army, so i guess i owe it to myself to end the year on an equal (if not more) spectacularly depressing mood eh?


its quite ironic really, the fact that my results - once thought before the holidays to be the only thing that would spoil the "festive mood" is now becoming the only thing that can "rescue" such a mood.


we reap what we have sown. really? in another 25 hours time we will see. . . 4.0. . . we will see. . .

i was rather disturbed when i picked up a copy of the New Paper yesterday to find a report on 5 schoolgirls diagnosed with anorexia splashed across the front page.


now what really disturbed me was not the occurance of the eating disorders per se (hey, if necrophiles exist, why not anorexics?) but rather how these girls came to be affllicted by it. more pointedly, i am asking: how could the parents of the girls not know what was unfolding before their eyes? let's just take this for instance: i stumble home at 3am, and after fumbling unsuccessfully for about a minute finally open the Fort Knox-like door to my house, my mom wakes up from the pandemonium, glares at me from head to toe, and instantly gives me a dressing down: "BRANDON!! YOU'VE BEEN (insert either: DRINKING/SMOKING/SCREWING THE NEIGHBOUR'S POOCH) AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU?!"


now, along those lines. . . wouldn't any conscientious parent (like my mom) find it puzzling if their child has been displaying overt signs of eating disorders (or animalistic sexual tendencies)? unless of course, they hardly give 2 hoots to whether their child has stopped eating and/or started growing antlers from his head. it seems that these parents conveniently negate such disorders as being lesser in magnitude compared to say, losing money in mahjong. . .


the absent role of parents in teenage lives - that is the root problem society has to address here, not how the prevalence of violent television programs and "online movements started by aneroxic fans" have influenced teenage minds of today. granted, certain scenes may be hmmm. . . overtly graphical, but isn't that the fucking reason why its called "entertainment"? sex and violence sell, and in so doing, flim companies are merely preventing themselves from going into the red.


as cliche as it sounds, the teenage years are truly the most impressionable of one's life, it is an age where one develops a semblence of an identity and demands to be impacted. the case of anorexia in the papers shows how, in the absense of such strong guiding influences coming from the people who brought these girls into the world (read: PARENTS) the girls undertake a journey of self-discovery and peer acceptance by themselves, with well. . . neither spectacular nor desirable results.


the apple does not fall far from the tree, and deep inside their hearts the parents of the girls are probably embarassed to acknowledge that. so they wag the dog and divert the blame onto just about everything they can lay their accusatory fingers on - the media, the educational system, the Teletubbies, and poor ol' David Beckham for wearing Victoria's thongs. excuses are scant attempts to cover up one's inadequacies and failings.


if you cannot afford the time to be with your children to know them and their struggles better, then you do not deserve to be a parent. there are no two ways, nor excuses that you can give to vindicate your actions (or rather, the lack of it).

i have been so bored these past few days i've resorted to reading past issues of FHM and NewMan, sleeping for entire afternoons on end and, lo and behold, cleaning up my room (which entailed banishing all the notes and textbooks used this sem to some remote abyss in some corner where the sun doesn't shine). yet in such dark times, a light shone forth, beckoning me to do something worthwhile with my life and. . . well, decide on the modules i'll be taking next sem, so in no order of merit, they are:


SC 1101E - MAKING SENSE OF SOCIETY
HY 2247 - SPORTS AND HISTORY
HY 2251 - FROM THE WHEEL TO THE WEB
EL 2101 - STRUCTURE OF SENTENCES AND MEANINGS
USE 2304 - SINGAPORE: MAKING OF A NATION


if suicidal tendencies get the better of me and i choose to take 6 modules for the fun and experience of having every ounce of my energy and time squeezed dry, my 6th module would be a toss-up between:


ULS 2202 - EVOLUTION OR
HY 3226 - MEMORY, HERITAGE AND HISTORY


so, having said that. . . anyone intending to take the same modules and rescue me next sem? tag tag tag tag tag!!!

urgh i feel like i just gotta get this off my chest. was going down to City Hall yesterday for the USC production meeting, and on the bus i had the distinct dishonour of sitting 2 seats away from this VJC squeaker and his litter of 2 equally squealish gal pals.


wah lim beh super fucking annoyed lah, NOT ONLY because of his stupid i-think-through-my-ass comments like "i'm glad that Miss South Africa this year is a black girl - it shows that they [South Africa] are finally emerging and learning to accept its apartheid past". eh i not pol sci major, but can someone explain to me what that statement means? how does the selection of a woman to represent the country in a beauty pageant show that the country is "emerging and learning to accept its apartheid past??" i scratch head, scratch nose, scratch balls long long also cannot think of the answer. you got answer go tagboard and tag.


BUT ALSO because of his voice which sounded a pitch too high for an 18yr old guy - i swear i didn't see him pinching his balls although i figure that if he did, and got really excited (and more squeakish) in the process he would pretty much qualify for the first ever human dog whistle. "squeeze my balls, watch me drive your pet pooch wild".


besides, the last time i checked, the 2 previous Miss South Africas were also black (pardon my usage once again of the politically-incorrect term). so not only did mr smarty pants annoy the shit out of me, he got his bloody facts wrong! nothing is more hilarious than someone trying his darnest best to act as though he possessed an intelligence and a general knowledge. hell yea, i wouldn't be surprised if he thought the Springboks to be a brand of mattress.


when lim beh super fucking pissed off lim beh go sit on e seat directly opposite the whelp and diao him. ok lah, maybe not diao, but give him that super sympathetic "wah-your-master-never-give-u-lunch-and-i'm-really-sorry-for-you" sorta look. wah u should see the effect man, he tiok stunned macham you play mahjong and throw out the winning tile for one clown to win man tai ya lor he got that kind of look on his faggot face. but i think that fella also quite smart lah, because after a while he talk softer liao. then almost missed his stop somemore. hurry hurry press bell then tiok diao by bus driver. hahahaha i think i ruffled his fur a bit too much lah, now must go back to dog hotel go for grooming session.


i'm such an asshole lah, skarli next time i reincarnate as dog than jialat liao. CHOI! PUI!

Ozymandias

The cruelty of History is that it creates its own historian, who in turn creates his own History. A single individual in this History finds his existance negated by the burden of objectification from the scrutiny of the historian. When a person dies, it is a tragedy; when a thousand die, it becomes a statistic worth jotting down.


What does a single, and probably insignificant life matter when one is considering the "big picture"? is he not part of the teeming masses that are birthed and pass into oblivion every day? who are these people anyway? can we even put a face to their names? History, a discipline of remembering, conveniently "forgets" the good and benevolent bits of humanity, a historian's world is polarised into the dualities of black and white - with no where in between.


History bestows the curse of "ordinary-ness". Because it "forgets" it is a harsh discipline to master, one that requires a harsher person to succeed in his pursuit of it. Yet he who is capable of breaking free from the shackles of mediocrity will have his name engraved on the annals of History. But does he then not become but a relic of History? a subject of his own study?


Until the day comes where History judges and carves me in the likeness of Ozymandias for what i have achieved in this life, i stand as my own magistrate.

Please do not tell me what my values and goals in life are supposed to be. I'd rather lie to you and burn for it than broach the truth and watch your heart shatter in front of me.


I love you enough to know that i would eventually hurt you. please do not give me a chance to do so now.

what prompts certain people to dedicate their life towards travelling and exploring the world? i was at Seah Im having dinner with my mom the other day when this rather haggard looking ang moh fella came up and asked me for a light. i didn't have one, but he found someone who did and sat across the table from me, asking whether i mind if he smoked. i told him to go ahead(much to the extreme displeasure and annoyment of mom)


he seemed like quite a nice fella, and since i'm generally friendly towards strangers, we started talking. . . he's pretty amazing - he works during summer in his home country (Germany omg he actually stays in Baden Baden, the gateway to the Black Forest!! wow that's like how beautiful lor)and spends every autumn and winter for the past 18 years travelling around the world, especially Asia.


i asked him why doesn't he settle down and start a family? his reply: "oh i've got many wives all over Asia already. . . Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand. . . but haven't found one in Singapore yet". i told him he was wasting his time looking for one here in spore, and we had a good laugh over it - again much to the extreme displeasure of my mom. haha but i digress.


in secondary sch, i submitted an entry for the Commonwealth Essay Competition entitled "travel does little but confirm our existing prejudices and suspicions". although that idealistically uncynical piece was written 6-7 years ago (fuck i'm THAT old), as i spoke to the German that night i irrevocably found myself being brought back to a time where there were no strangers outside the fence - and somehow, i found myself wanting to travel all over again.

GROWL THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH AH. . . NICOLE AND STACEY. . .


Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!


Here are the 5 stuff (all of mine deal with weird injuries):


1.in my boredom i once killed an ant by burning it to death with a lighted cigarette. i succeeded in my act of unadulterated sadism. but it was also quite a painful experience for me because erm. . . the ant was on my hand.


2.in my drunkenness i tried to climb a fence to get out of a friend's house. i succeeded in scaling the height. but then i made a fatal mistake - i looked down, had a sudden rush of vertigo, and fell like a rotten durian from a tree, getting scratched by barbed wire in the process (and no, the fence didn't collapse)


3.in my over-exuberance in avoiding a sliding tackle when playing soccer in primary school, i made a gigantic leap into the air. when i was "airborne" for that one second i fancied i looked damn macho, but that second passed too quick without me knowing. i landed awkwardly and sprained my ankle.


4.in my curiousity as a 1yr old kid (yes, i "kid" u not) i pushed a vase down from a coffee table to examine the effects of gravity. i then attempted to further my research by proving that gravity acts on humans too. so i jumped off the table. straight into the shattered glass.


5.in my sheer stupidity i once tried to whisper something into my friend's ear when we were dancing in a club. she went "huh?" turned around and in so doing have me a gigantic elbow smash that knocked my specs off and gave me a cut on my nose bridge.


and now for the fun part. . . charlotte, lynnette, xing jian, kitty and bobby. . . if you're reading this. . . congrats, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED! remember to "acknowledge" me hor? lol.