"how do you fuck someone you love?"

how does one commensurate the dualities of love and lust? love is selfless, lust is selfish. if they come together in the act of sexual intercourse, does that not make sex a contradiction in itself? people use sex to gain love. people use love to gain sex. how can disparate expectations ever lead to a mutual experience?

i watched the movie "lie with me" across the weekend, i will not comment on how "good" or "bad" it was because such comments are but superficial value judgements, i will however say that its impact on me was nothing short of visceral, not since "irreversible" and THAT rape scene have i experienced something as disturbing as that. unlike "irreversible" however, what troubled me was not the graphic sex scenes (of which there were quite a few), but the warped and precarious psychology of the characters, and more specifically, how everything was done for the promise of happiness. i would highly recommend this movie to all who're above 21.

the tragedy is that the characters all think they are justified in what they seek. but maybe they are both wrong in that they look to sex as a means to a greater satisfaction beyond the orgasm, an undescribable spiritual fulfillment. but maybe sex was never meant to serve that purpose?

lie with me. lie to me. do not tell me the truth, tell me what i want to hear, let me feel what i want to feel. delude me. let me live in an illusion - an illusion of a promise that as i withdraw from your body after a shuddering climax, i will be happy. and so would you. and i will, in another delusion, love you for providing me that happiness.