Brandon's 10 quotes that were plagiarised from a website and selected based on randomness, courtesy of crystal's recommendation, the bracketed words are mine. . .

1. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, but your best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "that was fucking awesome" (think harold and kumar)

2. Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. (always find a partner without a driving licence)

3. I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. (i really found this funny, and no all you science students, this has nothing to do with physics)

4. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. (i bet newton didn't realise the importance of his discovery of gravity)

5. God gave us a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time. (now, shouldn't we be thankful for that?)

6. When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap the mother-fucker upside the head. (its in accordance to the axiom of: minimal effort, maximal effect)

7. There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are spoken together.
(well i guess two wrongs do make a right after all)

8. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. (i don't know whether that's supposed to be comforting)

9. Kids in the backseat cause accidents; Accidents in the backseat cause kids (and neither would have happened if everyone was wearing safety belts)

and my personal favourite...
10. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (need i explain?)