My Heart of Darkness.

new blog

2007-02-11T14:47:00.000+08:00

i've moved. yet again. please do update your bookmarks and what not's

http://brandonlim.wordpress.com/

tickle your funny bone

2007-02-05T10:08:00.000+08:00

We live in a quirky world, don't we? Everyone however, is quirky, though some are just plain quirkier than others. Which one of the following articles do you think is funnier?

this...

or this...

oh anyway, the prospective candidates for the first link can be found here, some aren't bad I must say... =)

guard duty

2007-02-01T02:22:00.000+08:00

I'm paying 1200 bucks a semester to stay in PGP, yet for the past 2 night I've either camped over at the Central Forum or the Science Forum till 8am, before dragging my fat carcass back to my room and sleeping till 2pm. now, doesn't make a lot of sense now, does it?

What also makes even lesser sense is what I've been doing to stay awake:

1. Drinking water. lots of it, like 2 litres in 1 night. and then making the ever so occasional trip to the toilet just to pee it out.

2. Push-ups. Every time someone msg me online, I'd do 20. Not as though I can do any more than that. (funny. just as I was typing this, Kent msged me. fucker.)

3. Stapling and Re-stapling my lecture notes. Did you know that prior to today, I hadn't stapled any lecture notes for 2 weeks? wow.

4. Picking up litter. Not that I work for the Environmental Agency.

5. Making routine trips up to Chatterbox (only applicable from 3am onwards) to see if anyone was up there. Not that I really wanted anyone to.

6. Wondering how mosquitoes seem to be able to bite through my NUS windbreaker.

7. Having little existentialist moments and wondering how I got myself in this mess...

and finally...

8. Blogging.

'nuff said. think I need to pee soon.

coffee shop etiquette

2007-01-28T13:43:00.000+08:00

here's something you don't want to attempt in a prata shop (watch till the end):

or this, at a kopi tiam...

On Huey and Life

2007-01-22T10:01:00.000+08:00

"If you stop struggling, then you stop life..."

-Huey Newton

But really, what are you struggling for? Taken in context, Huey, the once-leader of the Black Panther Party for Self Defence fought, struggled, and eventually, died for the rights of African-Americans. And in so doing, had his name etched in American history. His struggle was his legacy, but again I ask, what's your struggle for?

Maybe under the guises of "freedom", "money", and "grades" its Life itself that we struggle against. Each day we awake to a battle site, like a soldier does in a trench in WWI - our eyes flicker open to be greeted by the same long and bitter battle we have fought each day of our lives, yet one we cannot simply walk away from.

Why should we struggle? Do we struggle just to add a sense of purpose in our lives? What then, does winning the struggle mean? If a shark stops swimming, it dies; but what about us if we stop struggling? Would life be meaningless to live in such a situation? If so, then death certainly must be a respite.

So we're trapped between the possibility of living like a drifting iceberg or running on an everlasting treadmill - the irony is, regardless of whichever path you choose, you won't know where you're headed to... the best way to escape from this cul-de-sac is to be a revolutionary and break free from this life, yet, to quote Huey again: "the first lesson a revolutionary must learn is that he is a doomed man".

Newcastle 1 Birmingham 5

2007-01-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

Abysmal, embarrassing, humiliating, depressing and plain utterly fucked up.

That would be how I would describe last night's loss.

Perhaps the one thing more pathetic than supporting your team by clicking "refresh" on www.livescore.com every 2 min was the sort of performance that they turned in. I admit, I didn't watch the match, but even so I'd doubt playing simple and decent football would put you on the receiving end of such a trouncing. Numbers don't lie. And if those adjectives I've used above are too harsh on a team who gets hammered 1-5 at home by another team a division lower than they are, just let me know.

You would have thought that after more than a decade of supporting the Magpies that I've seen it all - from having a 12-point lead at Christmas blown apart, to having the most talented bunch of footballers in the world such as *drum roll* Guivarc'h, Ketsbaia, Marcelino et al
don the black-and-white stripes... but no. they just have to keep on rolling out surprise after surprise.

It was our worse ever home FA cup defeat since 1914. How's that for a concluding fact?

owning

2007-01-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

after a terrible dull and insipid 0-0 draw against Vietnam across the weekend, you can probably guess my surprise when Huat sent me this link on soccernet:

owning. that's the word.

catharsis

2007-01-11T10:32:00.000+08:00

there's something cathartic about running in the rain.

and also about getting a silver for my IPPT, based on my current level of fitness, that is.

maybe i should just run a little more.

of nothing-ness

2007-01-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

As the aircraft makes its gradual descent from the skies, the image of Singapore gradually comes into focus - we see a huge island, followed by masses of greenery, and by roads and numerous high-rise buildings, HDB flats, skyscrapers etc, then the airport looms into view, then other planes berthed at their gates like a mouth waiting to be fed. The last thing I see before closing my eyes is the tarmac and its blinking lights guiding the plane to land - a father welcoming its overgrown son into his embrace...

In the picture I just described all is serene and tranquil, and Singapore from a plane looks pretty much like Singapore. But in that very same picture, the roads were empty, the buildings vacant, and not a single thing moved. I could feel it even when I was in the plane - the air outside had a certain stifling heaviness to it that can only be described as a deafening silence that hung over it.

Strange as it is, for all of a few split seconds I was gripped by a sudden irrational fear that when I step out of the plane, everything would be empty, as though every creature that lived had simply... gone. Yet more terrifyingly, everything was the epitome of orderliness - cars were still parked in their lots, breakfast was on the table, clothes hung out to dry, but everyone had just... disappeared.

My fear is a fear of nothing-ness, the state where every morsel of life had been sucked out of its bodies, leaving behind empty shells without a soul. In this state, cigarettes do not light, petrol does not combust and voices do not echo.

My fear was too terrifying for me to bear. And my eyelids jerked open.

results results results

2006-12-29T01:39:00.000+08:00

well my CAP improved by 0.05, but at least it didn't drop. My sentiments? could have done a little better, could have done a lot worse - and because the "little" is less than the "more", I'm happy.

After 13 years battling it out in countless exams and assignments I'm just so sick of it all that "an 'A' grade = your future" stuff. I just don't think it matters anymore. At least not as much as it used to, mainly because I'm already happily in the university - the supposed highest rung of the education ladder. And even if you are say, the lowest among the highest, it can't be all that bad now, can it?

I did what I could do... attend (notice I didn't say "prepare") tutorials, hand up my term papers on time, sit for the final examination, resist the temptation to complete a season of FM when at the 33-game mark of the season (which I can assure you is NOT easy)... and that's what matters most to me.

So yes, whoever you are reading this after getting your results - time to smile and move on. If 8 semesters in university don't determine your life, why should a single sem?

cats cats cats!!

2006-12-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

I lovvveeee cats haha... I guess part of it stems from this particular habit of mine in primary school when, together with my dad I would scour my Telok Kurau neighbourhood counting cats. Think the record was 89 cats or something. That was of course before they started sterilising them and when there were a few old malay ladies who'd go around feeding them every evening.

Anyway, was having dinner at Golden Mile Complex yesterday (note to self: don't ever go back to eat zhi char again) and when on the way back to the MRT station I saw a few cats all at the same void deck. Thinking it somewhat strange considering I haven't seen many cats around these days, I stuck around, playing with them a little, only to discover there was this 50plus year old woman taking care of them, even having 2 flats filled with cats! According to her, there are about 40 cats taking "refuge" in the flats.

The cats (kittens especially) were damn cute lor, there were these 3 black kittens (from the same mother presumably) who kept me fascinated for nearly 30min by just simply playing with a piece of corrugated cardboard I held in my hands lol. If only I could take them home...

I impulsively made a little collage of pics. These cats weren't from the house last night (didn't bring camera lah) but I find them simply adorable nevertheless. For those who have cat(s) at home, send me your pics!!

Even the dead aren't spared

2006-12-19T18:42:00.000+08:00

Check out this report I found on the Electric TNP:

CEMETERY is now a PARK. Next, it will be HDB ESTATE

When schooling, you are chased by teachers (or if you damn jialat - by principal);
When pon school to go dating, you chase the gal of our dreams (or if you super rich, she chase you lah);

When before married, you chase and whack the motherfucker that act funny with your gf;
When married already, your wife chase you for ogling at tiger beer girl at coffee shop;

When become parents with young kids, you chase them for stealing your porn collection;
When become parents with older kids, they chase you for money for their own porn collection;

When retired with too much $$ in CPF, you chase china girl working at Joo Chiat;
When retired with no $$ in CPF, you chase china girl for making you bankrupt;

and so the story goes and you run till you die. or so it seems... now, when you're dead, gahmen still chase you out of your resting place. Whatever happened to the saying "Rest in Peace", or more importantly, whatever happened to respect for the dead?

on SDU

2006-12-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

SDU - Officially known as the Social Development Unit, unofficially the subject of many sniggers for being the acronym of people who're Single, Desperate and Ugly, has finally come to an end (I'm referring to the organisation here, the people would always exist... oops)

I should first clarify that I'm not against an SDU-type matchmaking service. In fact, methinks its a great way to make more friends, expand your social circle and networks, and well, ultimately get hitched at the end of it all. What I cannot escape from however, is wondering why people would pay huge sums of money to private match-making agencies serving the same purpose, but not to SDU, and why this image of SDU being an organisation catering to Singles who are Desperate and Ugly has continued to persist today even though I think its far from the reality.

I believe its all a problem of the name. What in the world would you expect people to think of with such a name like the SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT UNIT. How boring, how ministry-like. What image can such a name possibly conjure, other than a stereotype "boring" and "typical civil servant" kind of person? Despite all the funding and gahmen efforts to promote it, maybe SDU was doomed to fail from its very onset?

Learning something new in Evo Psych

2006-12-09T16:43:00.000+08:00

I was reading my Evolutionary Psychology textbook a couple of days ago (when I still had exams to worry about), and I don't know why, but I found this short sentence damn funny:

"Men's relatively large testes (compared to other primates) provide one solid piece of evidence that women in evolutionary history ..."

"one solid piece"? I thought all men had two testicles?

Another personality test

2006-12-05T14:07:00.000+08:00

got this link from Aileen's blog, so decided to try it out. I am, after all, plain sick and tired of studying for my remaining 2 papers tomorrow, a situation not helped by my attention span of a 12-yr old kid. but i digress, here it is... click on the "view full report" link below for a more detailed description of each of the attributes.

In summary, this is what it said of me:

"You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. Stressful and frustrating situations can often be upsetting to you, but you are sometimes able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. As a practical person you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled."

My Personality

Neuroticism	60
Extraversion	61
Openness To Experience	13
Agreeableness	5
Conscientiousness	41

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report
Find your soulmate / pysch twin

"Eye" am okay now

2006-12-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

I forgot to mention this in my previous thread, but I finally got my minor eye surgery done on tuesday immediately after my paper. it was quick and erm... quite painful. You see right (no pun intended on "see"), they had to inject some local anesthesia into my inner eyelid, and to do so, it meant that I effectively had to open my eye and watch the tip of the needle slowly descend into my eye.

But the worse was yet to be: the doctor had to use this pair of metal forceps to literally pry open my already-numb eyelids before digging into my eyelid with some instrument (I ain't joking when I say I couldn't see what instrument it was) and scraping out from the inside the infected part of my eyelid.

Ok QED. The next step was to bandage my eye as it was bleeding (like, duh) after the surgery. I had to wear the bloody bandage for like 6 hrs lah! knn... and according to a person who was present when i finally removed the bandage and opened my eyes, my eyelids were shut so tightly (out of fear, maybe?) that almost my entire top eyelash was like, embedded together with the lower eyelash inside my eyelid, which I think is quite gross.

fucking painful experience, but I'm glad that its over and done with. Whoever said exam periods can't be exciting?

wankers galore

2006-11-29T11:02:00.000+08:00

so Valencia want £100 million for David Villa? that's fucking ridiculous lah, with that price you can probably buy Aston Villa. i think its really tragic how the once "beautiful game" is gradually being turned into a financial marketplace, where players are being bought and sold as commodities. very expensive commodities. well, expensive unless you're a "peanut(s)"-earning guy called T. T. Durai or the Prime Minister of Singapore.

ok i'm not blogging to release my political angst today. i tell you all what i saw last night. knn damn gross lah, i come back at night to PGP, and in the block in front of me, one of the lights on the ground floor was on. me, being an inherently inquisitive and observant creature (am trying not to use the adjective "kaypoh" here) looked in.... and then... OFMG!!

THE MUTHAFARKER WAS WANKING AWAY IN HIS ROOM NAKED!!!!

sibei suay. see this kinda thing. lucky i was not walking to take exam or what, if not confirm fail one. now, i'm not against people wanking, what i am against however, is people taking their dog out for a walk in full view of half the world (the other half were probably studying).

you may like what your doing, but that does not necessarily mean everyone does.

now, if you were in my position, what would you have done? knocked on the window and lick your lips in front of him? whahaa....

2006-11-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

As a USP student, I don't know whether to laugh or cry when the "premier undergraduate programme at NUS" (as USP terms itself) employs a branding consultancy firm, comes out with a gandiose "branding and communications strategy", and presto presents its logo to us.

Now, wait a second, that "logo" seems to bear an uncanny resemblence to some dude's cover page of some term paper.

C'mon guys, I'm sure you can do better than that... at least change the font to something other than Arial size 12? Ridiculous.

Eye infection not fun

2006-11-22T09:30:00.000+08:00

my exams start in 5 days time and I haven't started studying yet. So what's new this semester? Other than me not wanting to chiong zouk during the reading week, as I had done in year 1? hahah its my lanjiao eye infection, that's what!

knn its quite pain everytime I blink my eye lah. Went to see doctor yesterday at YIH, the guy was superrr friendly to me, and told me it was a "straight-forward" and "minor" thing. He said it was a sty. Then I suddenly felt damn curious, wanted to ask him "but I thought the sty thing is the one that the pig live in", but decided not to lah. I wonder why so funny one, same word, same spelling, but got different meaning, like how when you say "the nasi lemak fucking good" you mean "the nasi lemak very good"; but then when you call someone a "fucker", the same meaning does not apply. Engrish is a funny language.

Everybody think my eye got infection because I either... (1) watch too much porn.... (2) stare at chiobu with short skirt..... or worse, (3) stare at girl with shorter skirt that you think is chio, but when you see her closeup she look like your third auntie the mahjong queen who become queen since before singapore independence. eh damn bastard leh you all, make fun of my medical condition like that.

you all know how to stop blinking or not?

PGP woes

2006-11-17T02:06:00.000+08:00

wahh... the food thief strikes again, I thought I leave my margarine in the cluster fridge can be very safe, I mean, who the hell steal a small pack of margarine that cost only like 2 bucks at Georgie's Mart right? ya right. I opened the fridge 2 afternoons back and my margarine was still there. I was heartened. The world got good people left, I thought. Then when I open it, KNNBCCB some mother son go take everything! only left one little bit to give me a bit of face, I spread half slice of bread also not enough! The world is full of despicable bastards who go around stealing margarine. My neighbour's margarine, look more high class, and low salt somemore, macham still new... wah lao... damn unfair lor

then the fucking LAN connection in my room is just about as reliable as Newcastle playing away from home (not that they're fantastic at home either), so everynight must go cbox study. I think its part of some covert top-secret CIA conspiracy lah. NUS com centre people tapping the LAN lines in case got anyone bitch about bush after he talk at UCC. then they take down your name and MSN over to their CIA counterparts (or is it Skype? now that's the "in" thing right) and then POOF! you disappear like maserati being driven by person with bursting bladder.

ok ok stop bitching liao. do essay do essay!!

Borat's DA MAN!!

2006-11-13T12:25:00.000+08:00

haha i swear Borat's plain WICKED man hahaha you guys should really check out his vids on youtube, they're so utterly politically and racially insensitive that you just have to laugh. shit how the fuck does he crack them with such a straight face?! now, that's a comedian for you! seems quite apt that it was his face on the billboard when Paul Robinson let in THAT lanjiao own goal in Croatia... oh anyway, check out the quotes below for a taste of his humour:

"My mother, she never love me. (Stifled chuckle) She say she wish she was raped by someone else."

"This my neighbor, Nursultan Tuleiakbay. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success."

(introducing his former wife) "Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard."

(introducing Kazakhstan, his supposed country of origin) "in Kazakhstan, three main issues: economic, social, and Jew."

and there's plenty more... don't think we'll get to see his movie in Spore though.. sad. it'll be cool, especially if they show it for film and hist next year or something lol...

Good stuff to bring on the laughs

2006-10-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

this is a ridiculous clip, fancy any of your lecturers talking so much cock at the start of the lecture... kudos to the comments the students gave though, fucking funny stuff... anyway, its a real lecture in NTU that some bored student recorded...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2aFahNkwG4

anyway i swear youtube is damn addictive, can find just about any damn thing there, we should give that guy who founded it a nobel or something for his contributions to the common good, or at least helping to assuage my boredom..

fuck. boro just scored. cheebye yakubu. score in 85min somemore... wah dulannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

New blog design

2006-10-19T20:29:00.000+08:00

ok i've got a new blog design... the tagboard popup thing was damn annoying, so decided to do away with it once and for all... then i thought, might as well just edit the entire template to make it something more managable, right?

yep, so i've chosen a template that's simple, clean, environmentally-friendly and elegant... just like me... =)

2006-10-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

"If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, is that you can kill anyone."

- Michael Corleone, Godfather II (1974)

such a good quote, this.

2006-10-07T15:00:00.000+08:00

i don't know whether its because of the haze, but i feel fat, useless and unfit. ya, starting to look pretty much like jaesson, except that i've got the common sense not to major in physics.

2006-10-04T00:56:00.000+08:00

i would like to say i really do not appreciate retarded fools tagging my tagboard pretending to be me and commenting on certain subject matter that they obviously know would elicit a strong reaction from me. i do have opinions, feelings and a somewhat violent disposition.

potential retards out there, be warned.

2006-09-24T23:31:00.000+08:00

have you ever died in your dreams? i haven't, and i wonder why.

i can be drowning in the deepest sea, watchin the bullet from a magnum .45 flying straight towards my head, or leaping off the tallest building in the world with my eyes wide open. . . but somehow before my lungs get filled with water, before my brains get splattered into millions, before some underpaid cleaner starts cursing her luck at having to clean the pavement of my broken corpse, i wake up. why?

maybe our eventual death someday is perhaps us merely succumbing to what we have cheated every day of our lives, be it in the conscious or otherwise. we cheat death in subconscious by allowing ourselves to be taken over by the conscious - we wake up.

maybe dreams of us dying are a subconscious reflection of our struggle to survive in the conscious, which we eventually do, or else you won't be reading this blog post. does the reverse then hold true? does surccumbing to death in the subconscious equate to us dying in the conscious? maybe it does.

or maybe i'm just plain wrong and acting scary. but i cannot get this idea out of my head.

2006-09-21T02:10:00.000+08:00

President S. R. Nathan made Patron of SIM

Ok i know this is hardly breaking news, unless you had before today secretly harboured hope of becoming the patron of a university whose acronyms form the type of card you put into your handphone. (for further clarification, i mean SIM card, not MEMORY card). well, if that's the case, sorry man, but hey, look on the bright side: there're 2 more universities left up for grabs. and if S. R. Nathan gets them too, you can always challenge him in the next Presidential Elections held in God-know-when. just please remember to submit your minority-status declaration or whatever lanjiao form. if don't want to submit, then act like you did and pray got no CCTV around.

but seriously, can anyone reading this blog please enlighten me as to what a Patron does? i go to the downstairs kopt tiam to eat dinner every weekend, so do i qualify as a Patron of Lucky 888 Kopi Tiam? then like that Goh Chok Tong wife, as patron of T. T. Durai, oops, i meant NKF, every time go donate kidney, or peanuts, one lah? (sorry i couldn't resist making those jibes)

will be waiting for your responses, or a lawsuit, whichever comes first. . .

2006-09-17T01:27:00.000+08:00

you know, sometimes in life, you come across some things that are not meant to be funny, but you cannot help but laugh at? the report below is one of them, why is it funny? 3 words: "i don't know" (kudos to singabloodypore.blogspot.com for this remarkable read)
__________________________________________________________

A bunch of police officers tried to intimidate activists who were handing out leaflets to alert the public to the Empower Singaporeans Rally and March on 16 September 2006.

Three officers approached Ms Chee Siok Chin and Mr Charles Tan at Raffles City Shopping Mall and warned the two that they were committing an offence.

When asked what offence was being committed, the police could only say that it was a "seizable offence." Pressed to be more specific, one officer said that his superior would inform them.

The officers also said that they would have to seize the flyers and quickly grabbed the bag of leaflets sitting on the ground.

When Dr Chee Soon Juan appeared another bunch of police officers told him that he had to stop distributing the flyers.

"Under what section of the law is it an offence?" Dr Chee queried.

"It is a seizable offence," came the exasperating reply.

"You haven't answered my question. What Act says that it is an offence to distribute leaflets? If you cannot tell me which specific law I am breaking, how can you tell me to stop doing what I am doing?" Dr Chee continued.

Quickly changing the subject, the officer said, "I have to take the flyers." He reached out to grab the leaflets which Dr Chee was holding.

"If you want to seize the flyers then take me as well. We go together," Dr Chee suggested.

The police officer retracted his hand.

At this point there were at least six police cameras lurking in the various corners recording the encounter.

"I can come with you right now if you want me to. Where is your car?" Dr Chee offered again. "If you say I am committing an offence, then let's go to the police station. Otherwise please move aside as you are blocking my way."

The bunch withdrew into the crowd and hung around the shops, looking from afar.

The activists continued distributing whatever pamphlets they had left. When they ran out, they approached the police officers to ask them to give back the flyers they had stolen.

But as soon as the activists got close to the officers who were all in civilian wear, they dispersed in different directions like suspects fleeing the scene of the crime.

One, Senior Staff Sergeant Lee Hong Chee, who pretended to be a shopper looking at a window display whilst sipping on an ice-blended coffee, was not quick enough. When asked where his colleagues were he said, "I don't know."

"Do you know it was wrong to take our pamphlets when you haven't told us what offence we had committed?" Dr Chee asked.

Sgt Lee searched for an answer but could only play back the pre-recorded message, "I don't know."

"Where are the flyers?" Dr Chee asked again.

"They are with my colleagues."

"Where are your colleagues?"

"I don't know..."

"You're not a very competent officer, are you?" Dr Chee continued.

"I don't know...Thank you," the sergeant stammered, and quickly walked away.

Seeing two more officers sitting in the distance, the activists sought their assistance. As before the two quickly scuttled away. But Dr Chee called them back and after asking them to produce their warrant cards, one was Senior Staff Sgt Zaihir Shan s/o Syed and the other was Sgt Andrew Ong, he asked them for the confiscated pamphlets.

Almost simultaneously the two officers' cellphones rang and they both pretended to be engaged in deep conversation while quickly walking away.

These officers were not behaving the way our men-in-blue should – with dignity and professionalism. Instead, when asked they could not cite the law they were supposed to enforce and they behaved like a group of suspects who quickly dispersed when confronted.

First World Government? Yeah, right.

2006-09-10T01:34:00.000+08:00

"when a person dies, it is a tragedy; when a thousand perish, it is a statistic."

lest we forget.

if everyone out there is given a chance at life, does anyone ever deserve to die? do the people trapped in that building 5 years ago deserve to die? societies have limited memories of limited names - we remember significant names, but rarely the significance of names, relegated to the relams of mere statistics when processed in bulk.

the people trapped in the building were placed on a pedestal and martyred in the name of a state's vengence, which necessitated in all irony, killing many more people. an eye for an eye, and sooner or later, the whole damn world's gonna turn blind. does that make sense?

the biggest and baddest motherfuckers on this earth may "deserve" to die, but no one, however insignificant a life he led, deserves to have his name forgotten upon death.

2006-09-03T01:18:00.001+08:00

Brandon's 10 quotes that were plagiarised from a website and selected based on randomness, courtesy of crystal's recommendation, the bracketed words are mine. . .

1. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, but your best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "that was fucking awesome" (think harold and kumar)

2. Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. (always find a partner without a driving licence)

3. I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. (i really found this funny, and no all you science students, this has nothing to do with physics)

4. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. (i bet newton didn't realise the importance of his discovery of gravity)

5. God gave us a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time. (now, shouldn't we be thankful for that?)

6. When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap the mother-fucker upside the head. (its in accordance to the axiom of: minimal effort, maximal effect)

7. There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are spoken together.
(well i guess two wrongs do make a right after all)

8. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. (i don't know whether that's supposed to be comforting)

9. Kids in the backseat cause accidents; Accidents in the backseat cause kids (and neither would have happened if everyone was wearing safety belts)

and my personal favourite...
10. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (need i explain?)

2006-08-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

is it better to will ourselves to forget the unpleasantries so that they never occured? doing so involves denying our memory. but what do we lose by doing so?

if we could erase part of our past and create a rupture of unpleasant memories, so that the world could be a much nicer place, would we do it? what do we lose by doing so?

our identity? our sense of "self"? but what do these matter if we could become Adam and reconstruct everything from the beginning?

2006-08-25T03:20:00.000+08:00

jae pointed this out to me. . . compare the two photos below, the first from fiza's blog, of herself in the USC rag dance costume this year (her costume is that of a sprite, a mythical little elf-like creature). the second photo is from the NUS website, of the President of NUS (yes, there is such a position) prof shih during the annual Freshmen Inaguration Ceremony. . . detect any similarities?

now, looking at both pictures, the 65 million dollar question is: is prof shih a sprite too? ok i'm bored, and jae must be too. . . anyone who dares ask him about his "secret identity" and provide me evidence, you'll have the next blog post dedicated to you.

2006-08-19T14:12:00.000+08:00

elections are a big headache. . . its amazing how i can think my entire future in NUS seemingly hinges on my decision whether or not i should run for re-election in the 6th MC. . . its one of those irritating 50/50 choices that you have to make, and no one would tell you what you're in for. . . currently i'm leaning more towards the "yes" side, but who knows?

someday perhaps i will look back on this and be able to see the funny side of things

2006-08-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

"The executive of the public relations of the club, the public relations director (1) in collaboration with his or her IT specialist, is responsible for the management, update, upkeep and maintenance of the USC website, http://usc.scholars.nus.edu.sg/, (2) in collaboration with the his or her IT specialist and honorary general secretary, moderates and manages content of the e-forum of the USC website, (3) is in charge of the design and printing of promotional materials of the various cell events (posters, banners, etc), (4) is responsible for the publicity of events organized by the USC, on the USC website, (5) is responsible for the maintenance and update of notice boards in the charge of the club (notice boards along the stairway of level 5 Blk ADM, the USP reading room and Chatterbox walkway), (6) is, with advice from the president or vice-president, in charge of approving notices that students want to put up on the club’s notice boards, (7) has to communicate with the USP administration to find out about USP student group activities happening outside of the club, and maintain channels of communication between them and the club to foster cooperation

The public relations director has to be a communicator and someone preferably well versed in IT and the designing of posters or at least should have contacts which can do either by which he or she can rope into his or her public relations cell. He or she also has to be an effective and active communicator in order to facilitate liaising between various USP student groups and finding out information about such student groups from the USP administration."

guess i pretty much fucked it up, no?

2006-08-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

rag's over. and i'm happy. no its not one of those "good riddence" sort of happy, but the sort of happy you feel upon completing something you never thought possible at the beginning. our float might not even be a fraction as grand and gasp-inducing as others, but what mattered to me was that it was beautiful in my eyes.

the two respective faculties i have been with in the past two years did not win anything but looking at it from another perspective, i've realised the verity of keyou's statement made last year - the fact that we managed to parade a float on rag day is an achievement, and hence a triumph in itself, something all the more true for the USP float this year.

no matter how tired and irritable it makes me feel, or how sleep deprived i am, or how i smell after not showering for more than a day, i love rag. and i will gladly do it again next year. and to all the USP raggers i've had the pleasure of working with this year, i hope i won't be alone in making this commitment.

btw, jae just told me that he lost 2kg during the course of rag. congrats jae. i hope you become the rag PD next year and you'll end up looking like junwen at the end of it all. =)

2006-08-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

i'm too busy and simply haven't got the mood to blog these days. hopefully it'll change once school starts and i've got more time on my hands. . .

check back for updates!

2006-07-30T00:53:00.000+08:00

for. . . the words you've spoken, the letters you've written, the actions you've taken, the tears, the dejection, the anger, the euphoria, the happiness, the emotions you made me feel, the brandon you made me see, the hand i held each day, the smile i saw every morning, the 5 months and 23 days you gave to me that were the most intense and fulfilling of my life.

for loving me.

thank you qingru.

but must everything that have a beginning also have an end?

2006-07-24T16:48:00.000+08:00

modules modules modules. . . another suicidal semester awaits me with open arms. . . my poison this time round:

HY2243 - Film and History
HY3204 - Southeast Asia: Decolonisation and after
EL3203 - Semantics and Pragmatics
USS2105 - University Scholars Seminar
UPC2201 - Chemicals and Us
UAS3006 - Evolutionary Psychology

Once again, anyone who deems me a freefrag and wishes to have his/her CAP pulled up by taking the above-mentioned modules (especially the USP and EL ones) with me, please tag me.

6 (assuming i make it to honours year) semesters left.

2006-07-16T11:17:00.000+08:00

here's another interesting topic that i had the sudden urge to write about. its something that everyone despises morally, yet puzzlingly, love and enjoy doing (for those that think you know me, no i am not referring to alcoholism). . . so, why do people g o s s i p?

evolutionary psychology argues both our physical and psychological characteristics are moulded by our need to survive. physiologically an example of this evolution would be the desire to communicate aiding in the development of our vocal cords over time. this, together with the development of speech centres in our brain makes acquisition of languages a piece of cake although speaking from experience, Chinese seems to be more of an . . . acquired taste.

yet the ability to speak can not, and should not be equated to the intention to gossip inasmuch as holding a gun does not make one a murderer. gossip is more than just a sentence - it entails a careful and often deliberate selection of words, each selected to controversialise, sensationalise, and more significantly, to undermine and subvert the object of the gossip. gossip is not idle chatter of the week's weather, it is a tool enabling one to exercise power and experience pleasure concurrently.

if the relentless thirst for power and pleasure has driven us to thrive as a species within the past two millenia, then should it not follow that the very tool helping us to achieve such an end should be one that everyone is acquainted with? and if we accept that assertion, why do we find it surprising and hurtful to hear of ourselves being the subject of gossip if we know in our own hearts that we are capable of spreading the same gossip too?

while criticism that we inhabit a world of cutting age scientific technology with stone-age mindsets of the basest of survival instincts may have a tinge of truth, it negates how our survival instincts too have evolved in uniformity with the potential threats to ourselves, especially innocuous ones taking the form of gossip. the best way to counter gossip is to gossip, and until our mindsets undergo a renaissance in that respect, that is how it will continue to be.

2006-07-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

can one ever return to the past he had left behind? if we are moulded by our past, why is it so hard to reconcile ourselves with it? would Ithaca still be the utopia it once was after twenty years of wandering? or would it be a strange land, unrecognisable even to he who once ruled over it?

immortality is premised upon overcoming the transcendence of time; mortality as the succumbing to it. the passing of time is the indefatigable enemy of our memory, eroding and gnawing at every sinew of our weak cognitive system. we never remember the past in its totality not because we do not wish to, but because we cannot. yet it is in our refusal to accept our own fallibility that we choose to return, thinking time has stood still for us.

the decision to embark on a homecoming is never an easy one to make. the biblical prodigal son may return to his father's warm embrace, but what of the displaced son? he returns to a foreign land so cold he cannot bear witness to it. his memory is incommensurable to what is before his eyes. his memory, however misguided, is also unrequited - the land, the object of his remembrance has abandoned him in the dust. but the real tragedy is that he does not know that.

if to come home entails pandering to emotions so visceral that one questions whether the journey was really worth the destination (and what is the destination anyway), then why return? because he wants to believe, he wants to continue living the hope that he has defied time, that image and reality are one and the same. he longs to tell himself that he has remembered. . .

2006-07-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

another month, another photo. . . (yes, as you can see, t-shirts and berms are not the only items of clothing in my wardrobe)

2006-07-01T17:57:00.000+08:00

its that time of the year again. . .

list of FASS modules offered for Semester 1, 06/07

watch this space for the list of modules i'm taking, and you should too, so that you can be silly enough to tag me saying "hey i wanna take that same module too!" and i can devise an elaborate series of traps with my skill and cunning to leech off your notes and plagiarise your term paper. i know its cruel, but what am i to do? i've got no more freefrag 1101E modules left where i can whoop freshmen ass. *sigh*

like they say in the advert for Carls' Jr, "its gonna get messy". . .

2006-06-22T16:27:00.000+08:00

(this entry was supposed to be posted yesterday, but i couldn't complete it then)

life is cruel.

i just returned home from the driving centre, having finally passed my driving on the 4th attempt. yet happiness is transient, and it was overshadowed and blemished by an incident that happened after that.

i was at the bus stop waiting for a bus after my driving test 4 hours later, and was sms-ing qingru to tell her about this particularly adorable stray cat i saw this morning that purred and meow-ed delightfully as i scratched it. at the corner of my eye i saw this kitten appear from the bushes, and charged across the 4-lane road the very next instant. a horde of cars went by within the blink of an eye, and when i looked again, the kitten was lying on the road, a tiny stream of blood emanating from its head.

it was still alive, barely. 2 of its feet were raised in the air in a desperate and futile attempt to reach out for help. i paused. i could very well have brought it back to the side of the road, albeit at the expense of my own life. i hesitated, and the next wave of cars went passed. i heard a faint thud, the distinctly sickening sound of bones being shattered and crushed.

i ran and carried the kitten back to the safety of the roadside, to the utter surprise and shock of those present. but it was too late.

the kitten died on me.

it has been almost 45 minutes since then, and faint smears of dried blood are still on my hands. it bears testament to the fragility of life, and the price of one's hestiation.

i never did send that sms.

2006-06-21T09:17:00.000+08:00

i'm tired as usual. slept at 330am after work at singapore pools last night only to get up at 730am to rush to national parks. and i've just finished editing the NRIC numbers of about 1000 people in some database with lots of stupid formulas that simply are not working for me. but anyway, here's an article to ponder on, the stats may be confusing (it is afterall, a mini research paper), but the results and conclusions drawn are rather interesting:

How Do Male and Female Students Approach Learning at NUS?

2006-06-13T21:57:00.000+08:00

Q: what is the similarity between a "study break" and a "holiday"?

A: both of them never fulfills their prescribed purpose.

i'm busy. and tired.

2006-06-09T21:24:00.000+08:00

slightly over a year back i collected my pink IC from the manpower clerk, waved goodbye to sungei gedong, and told myself to fuck off and never return till i get my 100A, or whatever funky notification thing MINDEF has nowadays. but return to NS i did, not physically. . . but well, emotionally.

before i left the army, i told myself that life "out there" would be so much better, and in retrospect after more than a year, i force myself to question: has it been, really?

i am attached again after a 4 year hiatus, and have had fun meeting this bunch of people in NUS, the arts raggers 2005 and my USP pals especially, whom have undoubtedly brightened up otherwise monotonous days in school. but if i were to negate all that, and examine that same question. . . truth be told, i do not know the answer. and i would dare say a certain part of me wishes to go back to the army.

maybe all we need in our lives is the illusion that we're living a life. and what happens when the bubble bursts? we blow another one and step into it.

2006-06-05T22:17:00.000+08:00

its been over a week since production ended, and i still can't get this song out of my head, its tune continues to resonate in my head. the poignant story its lyrics tell remains stinging like a wound inflicted by the most raw of emotions - helplessness. can we find ourselves in the eyes of the one we love? or are we deluded, obsessed, and lost?

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in

And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you

2006-06-02T01:49:00.000+08:00

thank you for making my 22nd birthday a truly memorable one, you know who you are, from the few people who SMS-ed me to the crazy bunch that had graced my dinner with their presence and presents. . . thank you. you could not have made the day any bettter than what it already was.

and qingru, i am truly sorry for whatever i said to you in the afternoon. for bringing you to tears, for undermining whatever undoubted effort you put in to make the whole celebration a success, and for wanting to walk out on you when it would have been so much easier to walk in. but you lifted a burden of 13 years from my shoulders, and after the dust of the afternoon has settled, i remain that much more grateful to you for that.

i shall sleep soundly tonight.

2006-05-28T11:22:00.000+08:00

ok so my CAP didn't go for a bungee-jump, although it was nevertheless tantamount to jumping off the SOC low ramp.

i think i'll do it again next sem!

after all my bitching about EL2101, i looked at the C+ grade registered on my computer screen and i didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, so well well, looks like i got my just desserts for my incessant bitching on my blog. oh well, at least lectures with the guys were fun. . . 2 more level 3000 EL modules to go. . . any recommendations? preferably a module that's relatively harder to score a C+?

2006-05-25T18:35:00.000+08:00

i just felt like blogging. thanks to everyone who showed their concern about my operation yesterday, everything went fine and i'm alright. . . for those who didn't know about it, its ok, everything went fine and i'm alright =)

would i be happier if my school life were totally empty of any actitivies other than studying? or would i be happier if i always had something to do at the back of my mind ? i would have to say the latter. i have to have something to do, otherwise i will be bored. and i cannot stand being bored. at the end, i'm trying to look at things objectively - i'll graduate with an honours degree in 2009. what does that mean to me? i want to do something with my life. i dare say that almost all of you reading this are fellow undergrads, on track for a bachelor's degree, like me, and like several thousand others out there. what does the degree scroll signify? what makes my experience in getting that degree scroll any different from yours? its what i do not pursuing that piece of paper. think about it.

production starts tomorrow, and as the lights dim down, i know i would feel a pang of regret shoot through my heart. because i know deep down, i did not do all i could have done.

2006-05-16T22:15:00.000+08:00

"how do you fuck someone you love?"

how does one commensurate the dualities of love and lust? love is selfless, lust is selfish. if they come together in the act of sexual intercourse, does that not make sex a contradiction in itself? people use sex to gain love. people use love to gain sex. how can disparate expectations ever lead to a mutual experience?

i watched the movie "lie with me" across the weekend, i will not comment on how "good" or "bad" it was because such comments are but superficial value judgements, i will however say that its impact on me was nothing short of visceral, not since "irreversible" and THAT rape scene have i experienced something as disturbing as that. unlike "irreversible" however, what troubled me was not the graphic sex scenes (of which there were quite a few), but the warped and precarious psychology of the characters, and more specifically, how everything was done for the promise of happiness. i would highly recommend this movie to all who're above 21.

the tragedy is that the characters all think they are justified in what they seek. but maybe they are both wrong in that they look to sex as a means to a greater satisfaction beyond the orgasm, an undescribable spiritual fulfillment. but maybe sex was never meant to serve that purpose?

lie with me. lie to me. do not tell me the truth, tell me what i want to hear, let me feel what i want to feel. delude me. let me live in an illusion - an illusion of a promise that as i withdraw from your body after a shuddering climax, i will be happy. and so would you. and i will, in another delusion, love you for providing me that happiness.

2006-05-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

"the urge to be a perfect father is there, because your child is a perfect gift."

no i am not thinking of starting a family anytime in the forseeable future. but really, how does one fathom this notion of fatherhood? what are the "ingredients" and "recipe" of being a good father? the truth is, no one knows, simply because it is a common belief that no such definition exists. but that does not mean that i should be, and am content with accepting it simply because of the absence of an antithesis.

what has been running through my head is this: if one has not a "good" father, does that mean that he, in following the "not good" example, would also become a "not good" father in future? (the apple never falls far from the tree). conversely, does having a "not good" father entail a greater desire for one to be a "good" father to well, in a sense, atone for the past? (never underestimate the sins of the father. "When one has not had a good father, he must create one" - Nietzsche)

is the relationship between a father and child incongruent in that it be easier being a child to a father, than a father to a child? how does one explain the father-child relationship in words? how does one explain any relationship in words, for that matter?

i guess i would never know the answers to these questions. not in the forseeable future anyway.

2006-05-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

its finally over. out of sight, out of mind (till May 27, that is)

5 exams in 4 days (a quick and painless death indeed. ok wait i'm not sure about the "painless" bit.)
5 term papers
5 response papers
3 quizzes
2 presentations
2 mid term tests
countless sleepless nights

but what do these numbers mean? what did this semester mean to me? as i locked my PGP room for the very last time today, i've put to a close another chapter of my life - my first year in uni. before i closed my eyes to a deep slumber last night, the many memories came back in a flood. everything this semester has been such a blast

- DOTA sessions that culminated in the 9-person game we had just before the exams
- getting myself "a little too high" at jae's party (yes i'm sure everyone would attest that was fucking memorable, right leonard?)
- mambo nights and going for military history lecture on thurs morning sleep-deprived and probably semi-sober too (thanks mark for all the notes!!)
- many many extremely late dinners at fongseng and walking back to PGP extremely later, huffing and puffing up the bizad slope (yes i can no longer run my 2.4km under 10 min)
- sitting at the back and making a fuck-load of noise during elang lects with xing jian, leo, ben goh. . . (oh, and bitching about a certain LBL too . . . )
- those parties at my room where some motherfucker threw a bottle to shut us up, learning to make lychee martinis, and making extremely toxic graveyards that smelt suspiciously like the SAF detergent. (oh, and making chun xing drunk through daidee)
- playing PS2 in leonard's room (leo: "ehhh i realllllllyyy have to study lahhhh", me: "fuck it lahhhh")
- THAT bday party for leonard (leo where are the videos? caihui, nurheda, alex and myself all want them heh... you KNNBCCB i fucking wash your bedsheet at 4am, despite 9am got soci midterm)
- "studying" at the "study room" with jae, lynn, aileen, sh, vic, junwen, kent, leo. (we all know what the inverted commas are for, right? heh heh)

i'm saving the best for last. . .
- HCAP (both the preparation and the event itself) from the 3-hr long phone arguments and meetings, to trips to Pulau Ubin, Night Safari, Quality Hotel and erm. . . Alien spaceships. . .
- Harvard experience (never mind i got 0 for my EL quiz and a C for my term paper because of it, watching wenqi walk into parking meters and a barefooted qingru in search of her shoes at an outdoor ice-skating ring more than made up for the bad grades.)
- and of course. . . meeting a very special someone whom i can treat "more like a rugby ball than a porcelain tea set". would you beg to differ on that, qingru?

qingru you were right. what's important is not about my fear in losing these memories, but rather them having occured in the first place, and made my life that much more bearable in the process.

i will end off with a lynnette's quote from lynnette's blog. . . "It was a brilliant sem, a brilliant past year, and I wish we could all stay this protected forever." thanks for the memories everyone.

(this is a really long entry)

P.S.: if you feel that you've provided me with some memories to be cherished but i've failed to acknowlege your contribution, contact me. i will evaluate your claim and if necessary, dedicate my next blog entry to you.

2006-05-03T10:43:00.000+08:00

my exams are over, and once again i'm bored with life. how bored? bored enough for me to upload random pics on my blog. . .

(above): that's the view of the parapet outside my room, disgusting isn't it? thank you jaesson for throwing down the fake pair of CK briefs

(above): if you thought that was gross... wait till you see it flood. even Moses would have difficulties with this.

(above): don't you just love taking photos of safety breaches? this is a pic of the fire extinguisher outside my room, oh well, at least it didn't expire in 1990 or something. . .

(above): the perfect study table. now you know why i prefer to study on the bed.

2006-04-30T01:21:00.000+08:00

Dear Alan,

It was in the National Stadium on a sweaty night in July 1996, amidst a crowd of 40,000 that I saw you in the Black and White for the first time. In the 10 years that have passed, much has transpired. I have grown from a boy to a young man, and you have gone from a striker having to shoulder the burden of being the most expensive footballer in the world at that time to a goal-poacher whose legacy would reign on Tyneside far longer than those ten years.

I have since realised football is a cruel game not because it can bring grown men to tears (or extreme acts of violence), but in its almost painfully accurate allegory of life. You forced yourself to swallow the bitter pill of reality: that many lesser players have achieved bulging medal cabinets simply because they played for the right team at the right time.

Your reticence when asked about your career in hindsight masks the sad truth that what we have achieved, two FA cup and one Premiership runners-up medals, are plainly incommensurate to the effort you have shown each time you put on the jersey with unparalleled pride. One can only imagine what could have been had you not suffered those two career-threatening cruciate ligament injuries. . .

Days after your career came to its undignified end, you claimed you had lived the dream and never had regrets joining your hometown club. But I have got one regret Alan: I never got the chance to watch you play in person. And unlike the Geordie son of a sheet metal worker who harboured dreams to play for his hometown club, I will never have the chance to fulfil my dream.

Thank you Alan, for the goals, for the force wearing the armband, and more significantly, for the memories you have enriched every supporter with during the past ten turbulent years. You have, without a doubt, left behind a legacy that a 12-year-old could scarcely have imagined that humid July night.

2006-04-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

fuck it. my exams are over, and that's what matters. i'll worry about my results when it comes knocking on my door. but as for now, i just want to put it behind me.

yes, don't ask me about it
no, i do not wish to be engaged further on the exams

as far as i'm concerned, its over. so there you go, fuck it.

(akan datang: a tribute to alan shearer)

2006-04-24T13:49:00.000+08:00

to my dearest friends doing USE2304, thank you for reading my blog and helping me figure out why my stats counter has registered a phenonmenal rise these past few days. . . i would have liked to think that i was getting more popular, but alas. . .

"life (and stat counters) can only be lived (or turned) forwards, but can only be understood backwards. . . "

i finally found out how to upload photos to blogger, so here's a picture. good stuff comes to those who read my blog:

you have to conclude you're lazy if even the IVLE thinks so too. . .

2006-04-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

forgetfulness: leaving 3 files of notes and readings for "making of a nation" and "sport and history" in my PGP room.

laziness: not wanting to make the trip down to collect them back.

plain, utter <insert more adjectives of similar meaning here> stupidity: doing the above actions. . . on the last weekend before your exams.

optimism: isn't that all i can fall back on now?

my bungee cord's fraying after a "tara-ble" EL2101 paper yesterday. i cannot die so soon, i still have 4 more papers awaiting to murder me, i feel obliged to give them a chance too.

2006-04-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

procrastination is like masturbation. you do until you climax sibei song, and then it dawns on you in that moment of tragic anagnorisis. . . KNN why am i fucking myself? But by the time you realise, you've become a housefly trapped in the web of khee cong's pet spider. its too late.

what do you think i'm referring to? go figure. i assure you, you won't have to procrastinate on that.

2006-04-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

i was having an almost perfect day, nice lazy weather, all my papers/presentations finally complete, and then this just had to piss me off:

i went out grocery-shopping with my mom at 8pm, and when we returned at 8.30pm, the little plant that we adopted outside our house had its leaves all plucked off and thrown on the floor, its one and only budding small fruit disappeared. wah seriously, i was (and still am damn upset) at this senseless act of vandalism to a plant. the following paragraphs are dedicated specially to the mystery vandal:

what the fuck the plant do to you? it got whisper to your mahjong kakis say your spouse look like lau bulldog meh? (its probably true lah, you got ever hear plants lie before?) somemore its not as though i go put a fucking rotting durian tree outside your door and then maggot from the fruit crawl into your asshole when you pak chiu cheng until wanna climax already, that one you cannot orgasm dulan i understand, i will also dulan one. KNN the tree is put at the common corridor, nearer my house somemore. i never see maggot before. you got what business go and disturb? cheebye kia.

you like if i tie you up and go pull your pubic hair off one at a time? don't like right? then you go do that to my plant for fuck? you better bloody go and thank your god today good friday you tonight fucking lucky i never see you. if you these type of lan jiao people cannot mind your lan jiao business then i jolly well bo bian have to mind for you lor, but if i fucking pull your pubic hair out you chum siong reasonable abit lah don't go and fucking scream macham you see hantu tek tek. you torture plant it never scream what, so why should you?

what piss me off more is that you go and take the small baby fruit that was just growing out, you know ah, everytime i book out from PGP go home i see the fruit until very shuang leh, then you go and take, how you expect me to feel? fucking overjoyed right?

motherfucking bastard you ruined my day. i curse your pet goldfish kena AIDS, i curse you never strike 4D until you turn 88 yrs old, i curse you next time progress package gahmen forget give you money, i curse you drive through changi village tyre pun-chek then all the sibei cannot make it bapok come up wave hello and show you their F-cup neh neh pok. but of course all these curse is i curse for fun. you wait till i catch you in the act one more time then give you one times jialat jialat.

i'm warning you, you bastard. you better watch out.

2006-04-12T13:24:00.000+08:00

happy: i got 6/10 for the last EL quiz when i was expecting something like 3-4/10

not-so-happy: i still failed my EL2101 CA

salt-on-the wounds: i got 14/30

lesson learnt: fuck i shouldn't have bitched about it

2006-04-10T15:35:00.000+08:00

don't you just feel like slapping people who say things like these. . .?

"I would like to talk about the longest verb construction possible in English. . . is 5 the maximum possible auxilary extension of a verb? hooray! I got 6 verbs in a row!"

"And not incidentally, the internet gave me a few more ideas of how to add verbs to the '5 verb complex'. . . So I have 7 verbs in a row! A new record. . ."

"But just mins later I saw another possibility. . . 8 verbs in a row....if I spent another hour thinking I might get to 10. . . lol"

Its plain idiotic. i hope some bonobo grabs hold and goes down on him or something. . .

2006-04-04T16:50:00.000+08:00

when i first started this blog months ago, a number of you asked me about the quotations i've used. . . this is where the quote on the left side of my blog is taken from, one of all-time my favourite Metallica songs. . . what the song really means i'll leave it to your own interpretation

Unforgiven II, by Metallica (1997)

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of days, dark of night, we share these pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring, darker still
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

What I've felt, What I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door
Should I open it for you

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
she lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring, darker still
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there

What I've felt, What I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door
Should I open it for you

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you

. . . Or are you unforgiven too? (emphasis mine)

2006-03-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

a life that guides me by the hand, rather than one that grabs me by the neck; a life where a mistake is a means of learning, rather than a motivation for criticism; a life where one can smile without having to hide the daggers beneath; a life without anxieties, stress, pain, regrets

a life that one can actually live. . .

a life i realised i have now lost. . .

but have i ever wanted to live such a life in the first place?

2006-03-23T13:17:00.000+08:00

after 3 consectutive morale-sapping losses to 3 of the supposedly biggest clubs in the UK, finally here's a piece of good news for me and all you beer-loving fans out there contributed (unsurprisingly) by huat:

BBC's report on beer-drinking...

if you guys are "too busy" mantaining your facade of studying to click the damn link, here are some extracts from this live-changing article:

"There's no such thing as the beer belly," says George Philliskirk, of the Beer Academy. "But it is an appetite stimulant and it's the fish and chips or curry that round off a night with a few pints that puts the weight on."

"In fact, concerns about alcohol being fattening could be completely off-target anyway. Martin Bobak says there isn't even concrete evidence that the human body can turn alcohol into fat."

Now, if this isn't good news, i don't know what is. well i suppose a perfect CAP score would do, but that won't go very well with fish and chips or curry now, would it?

2006-03-19T17:13:00.000+08:00

10 reasons why i love leonard ho khee cong:

(1) He cannot say "shut up", he has to do a Russell Peters-inspired Chinaman spoof and go "shhaaardarp!"

(2) He likes to play as a cleric in Baldur's Gate 2: Dark Alliance and heal my character, and then whine non-stop about how i can do 700 damage whereas he can only inflict 250

(3) He thinks determiners and the word "sheep" can be pluralised, but still got 9/10 for his elang quiz. bitch.

(4) He brings in a PS2, and plays PS2 with me, and then calls me an addict for playing PS2.

(5) He has nice-snacky stuff in his room, like pop-tarts, pringles and a bottle of bailey's, he ONCE HAD a bottle of absolut peach too

(6) He can't button his shirt properly when drunk, especially after trying unsuccessfully to get a chick's no. at Club Momo

(7) He is someone i always ask to sleep with each of the rare times that i stumble back to PGP drunk

(8) He once had gigantic and adorable pimples the size of Bukit Timah Nature Reserve on his cheek, and he put a largely-overexaggerated plaster the size of Mt. Everest to cover it up

(9) He thinks bananas are masculine and bread is feminine

(10) See him when he's drunk. 'nuff said.

So there you go biatch hahah HAPPY 21st!! i will NOT be held responsible for whatever ribbing you get as a result of this blog post, smackdown tonight yea? lol

2006-03-13T15:40:00.000+08:00

hey i know i haven't been blogging much these days, certainly not as much as i would have liked to. . . but i stumbled accross this beautiful poem as i was doing some readings on Gen Percicval, the British commander who surrendered to the Japanese on 15 Feb 1942, and i felt like sharing it with you guys. for the 3 years that he was in Japanese capitivity, this was the one poem that Percival kept in his pocket, the one fragment of sanity he clung on to. . . and if you read it closely, i don't think you'll find it hard to understand why. . .

"If" by Rudyard Kipling, "Rewards and Fairies", 1909.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

2006-03-09T02:23:00.000+08:00

urgh this sem's a bitch. and i do not say that at the back of my zero for my EL quiz (something that i'm still feeling sore about) or the tragic farce that was my military history term paper. its just a combination of everything lah, i'm just frustrated. this sem's going no where. i'm working on getting myself "un-clueless" for most of my mods and i just don't seem to be making any headway. i still got slightly less than half a sem to change things around. . . can one can one. . .

and HCAP's getting to be a royal pain in the arse. imagine trying to host a bunch of delegates coming in about 3 weeks, and we still can't confirm what flights they're on. . . going to harvard was a pretty neat experience, but i never did expect that it would come along with such a high opportunity cost.

oh well at least the Gods of football (or rather, the Newcastle board of directors) have finally, and quite unlike me, come to their senses to fire souness. . . the magpies are flying high at the moment. . . wooo hooo!

2006-03-03T19:31:00.000+08:00

wheeee my CAP's gone bungee-jumping!! (hopefully it would come back up again)

2006-02-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

harvard's fun. i finally get to see snow after nearly 22 years. everywhere's cold with a capital K. . . wonder what it would be like once i get back to singapore on thurs morning. . . well haha i've got a class at 10 and a paper due on friday (which i haven't started writing) i am so messed up for my mid-terms/term papers lol. . . oh well, its only one semester haha...

2006-02-18T00:20:00.000+08:00

my flight leaves in about 5 hours time and i am still online and i am still not sleeping. ok you guys probably would not be hearing from me till march 1st (ok. now stop cheering) unless i miss my flight, in which case you would hear from me tomororw (yes feel sorry for yourself)

but till i return, here's something "arguably" more important than all those mid-term papers and tests to occupy you:

Johari profile AND. . .
Nohari profile

happy mid-term break! cheers!

2006-02-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

school sucks. it just dawned on me that within 2 .5 weeks after coming back from Harvard, i would have to do the following:

1 project (30%) for HY2247
1 term paper (20%) for HY2242
2 quizzes (approx 15% together) for EL2101
1 response paper (5%) for USE2304
1 mid term quiz (20%) for USE2304
1 mid term test (30%) for SC1101E

fark sia. this one worse than the 12 task of hercules, i think newcastle win premiership and opposition win election put together also got more easier. . . why all my modules like that pull stunt on me one? dulan.

2006-02-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

this video is fuckin' cool (and i do not say that simply because it goes with the colour scheme of this page)

2006-02-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

i am tired. yeah like officially tired, or whatever that is supposed to mean. after the first few weeks of slacking around in school, everything has suddenly picked up momentum like a gigantic avalanche rolling towards me, its collision as imminent as Chelsea walking away with another premiership trophy. . .

i feel like playing Need For Speed again, anyone got the CD for mac to lend me? i need my fix of computer games. . . guess vodka, kahula and pineapple tarts can't do it no more

and yes for those that read The New Paper on saturday (04/02) i was the Brandon Lim interviewed by them, and no i am neither 22 or go jogging 3 times a week. those were smoke screens thrown up by me to throw kaypohs off guard. but judging from how many people actually asked me about it, my smoke screen failed

my soci lecturer is making life very difficult for me. why is it so hard to schedule a make-up for the midterm test? why must he insist on getting the dean's office involved in drafting a leave of absence for me? "when i see all your official documentation, then i will make a decision on whether you get a chance at the mid term test" WTF. damn pissed off.

after lunch at engin canteen on tues, i left earlier, leaving my other friend at the table to wait her other friend, then this dude (whose nationality i would withold lest Mao Zedong's infamous green teeth haunts me in my dreams) happily plonked himself down on the chair beside my friend, i told him the seat was occupied and he stared at me like i raped his pet pooch. motherfuckin idiot. cannot understand english meh? i hate people staring at me whether i'm eating at the canteen or taking a piss in the urinal. but hey i'm a mature individual. gotta chill. gotta do my term paper now. ciao.

2006-02-02T17:27:00.000+08:00

i am typing this entry now in the USP reading room where people all around are *supposed* to be studying and this couple of gals sitting behind me are making so much noise with the photocopy machine that i think they have coerced the photocopying machine into photocopying the entire bible. what is wrong with these people? just borrow the damn book lahh! annoying.

anyway back to the subject of today's incoherent rant- my beloved magpies are not flying very highly at the moment. . . urgh. . . its really frustrating to watch them struggle through week in week out, playing with as much confidence as a captain watching his ship sink into oblivion. i guess what makes this feeling all the worse is having the same thing sinking into your gut for the past 11-12 years, one disappointment after another, one heartbreak after another, but none as evocative as what transpired in mid-96. . . and no, the agony and misery does not improve with frequency.

on a sidenote, i've been doing alot of really stupid things recently, like trying to open the club room door with my PGP transponder. . . going to the shower, taking off my clothes, and realising that i did not bring my shampoo and soap. . . going to the library to borrow books, only to discover that i did not bring my matric card. . . but you know what's the dumbest thing i've done this entire semester? taking EL2101. yes. that takes the cake. absolutely and totally.

the girls behind me are STILL photocopying their notes, i presume now that they are done with the bible, they are on to Tolstoy's "War and Peace". . . i will go for my class at 6, and if i come back and they are still photocopying notes, i will report them for indiscrimate use of paper and for being a threat to the continued survival of trees worldwide.

pls do not get me wrong, i have got nothing against people who do their readings dilligently, in fact i do my fair share of reading from soccernet.com and the occasional men's magazine. . . so ya, its just how much reading those people are doing that makes me a little worried about my future plans of being the Minister of Edcation before 40, but trust me, its not half as worrying as seeing the magpies defence swivel around on the ball. . .

2006-01-29T02:41:00.000+08:00

i've always wondered why people follow certain customs and traditions, especially when they defy common sense. yes you're right. i'm referring to the stuff every self-respecting chinese family in singapore proudly and unashamedly does every blessed chinese new year in the hope that it would bring them a blessed fortune in the blessed year ahead

to be frank, it annoys the hell out of me to see people performing intelligence-defying feats like queueing up in a petrol station just to have your car washed by some "i-can't-give-2-fucking-hoots" bangala worker using some 2nd hand soap and a filthy sponge that was probably last washed the last time singapore won the malaysian cup

how about paying exorbitant prices for pineapple tarts, bak kwa and love letters on the eve of CNY? their prices go up so much, the rate of increase probably equals that of wages paid to EPL footballers. why wait for last minute then buy? their answer: because its fresher. . . WTF LAH, the fuckin tarts and whatever not (exclude bak kwa) has already been packed long before, you think you buy the tarts on 1 day means it was baked the very same day? wake up lah. ever wondered what factories are for? yes, contrary to what you may believe- food can also be made in such factories, hence the term "commercialisation".

it does not matter whether we have a 1st class education system (which i honestly think we do) when we have a population having a general consensus that common sense is an expandable item to be discarded every festive occasion. is the "festive mood" then one characterised ultimaltely by stupidity and senselessness?

the reason why i do not go visiting during CNY is not because my mom isn't chinese and my dad doesn't have close ties with his relatives (although both are true) the real reason is because i can no longer identify with what it means. why celebrate something i bear no affinity to? ever see singaporeans celebrate thanksgiving? or st. patricks' day? no right? my point exactly.

this is of course what my personal thoughts are, my apologies if i've genuinely upset those ardent fans of CNY as being a one-time source of injection to your monthly income. do not crucify me. ok what the fuck, i'm asking to be crucified by blogging about this. crucify me, but let me have some of those lovely pineapple tarts first? please?

2006-01-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

before i start on this post i would just like to take some time to tell you of this particular friend of mine, who was pretty convinced there is a USS seminar this week entitled "10 proposals for ORCHARD 2006" when it should have been "10 proposals for BUDGET 2006". wah she damn confident of herself can? wanna bet dinner with me somemore lehh, then after she realised her mistake, can still launch one last line of defence leh, saying:

"i tot he was gonna tok abt orchard 2006, cos orchard's gonna b revamped wat, so i tot it was some tourism talk"

errr R.I.G.H.T. hahaha i'm refraining from naming who the poor unfortunate and mistaken gal is because according to her, "u better dun put my name man, if i see my name there u die ah" lol. okie okie. *can't resist one last snigger*

but anyway i was with my uncle yesterday when we went into one of those makeshift orchards selling those seasonal chinese new year plants like kumquats. because the plant selling fella knew my uncle, the moment he met us he went on complaining about bad business. . . the following is the conversation that followed:

Plant-selling fella: *complaining about bad business*

Uncle: *attempt to divert the subject* "err ok so actually ah, what are these plants supposed to be for?"

Plant-selling fella: "bring good luck and prosperity one"

Me: "so if they bring good luck and prosperity, and you have so many of them, how come your business still so bad?"

All: *silence*

ahh. . . all the little ironic traditions of chinese new year, and don't you people find it just a tinge RIDICULOUS that PEOPLE "dress up" as LIONS and go around eating CABBAGES and ORANGES just so they can "peel" and SPIT it out on the floor, and everyone gets EXCITED thinking that the numbers are some magical combination for 4D NUMBERS. funny culture we chinese have eh? and oh, we didn't buy any plants in the end. so much for "good luck and prosperity" eh?

2006-01-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

i just saw my neighbour wearing this t-shirt yesterday and thought it was really cool. the shirt read "I ONLY DRINK BEER ON DAYS THAT END WITH 'Y'" so if anyone has seen this t-shirt anywhere pls let me know k? and i would also very much like one of those license plate-like boards that you can stick on the door of your room. . . ah. . . think they should be about 20bucks or something, anyone got lobang for such stuff drop me a tag yea?

now, a quick shoutout about schoolwork. i am CLUELESS with a capital C about everything buzzing around the rather small academic portion of my head at the current moment. all the damn IVLE forums look as though they've been written in some obscure language whose only users are some african tribe pending extinction and i really can't be too bothered with them. well its only the 2nd week of school so things might very well get better with time (or worse) *shudders* but hey its chinese new year next week so i'm just gonna occupy my mind with getting fat on all those wonderful goodies and worry about my schoolwork (and losing weight) a little later.

fuck its my cousin's wedding tomororw and i got myself an armani suit for the occasion, only to realise that i left my camera in my pgp room so too bad you people would not see photos of one of the rare occasions that i actually dress up for an occasion. contrary to popular belief (reinforced by what you see me wear in school) i do actually have something other than t-shirts, berms and jeans in my wardrobe so ya.

2006-01-19T03:30:00.000+08:00

if you would to stumble upon the holy grail, how would you know that it is the holy grail? i'm tired. goodnight.

2006-01-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

a recipe for disaster and perhaps instant alcohol poisoning, tried, tested (and survived) by yours truly at jae's party yesterday:

(1) shot glass filled with sabucca to the brim (good stuff!). set alight. no straws. just drink. do not hesitate because you would burn your mouth (like me). make sure it goes down at one go. the result? for about 3 seconds, you will feel as though your entire digestive tract from your throat to your stomach got warmer by several degrees. this makes a flaming lamborghini seem like a soft drink in a martini glass. please do not try this if your face turns crimson red after a can of beer.

(2) bottle of vodka on speed-pourer poured straight into your open mouth as you sit on a chair. hold the position for 3 seconds (although im damn sure it was like 5 seconds). its not as bad as it seems lah. really. but the trick is for you to do the whole process 4 times in less than 2 hours. fuck i choked at the last time.

for best effect, intersperse both of the above with other drinks like flaming lamborghinis and double tequila shots and there you have it. concussion effect guaranteed. just ask my dear neighbour leonard what i did last night when i went back to PGP. think i should abstain from alcohol for a while to let this shit flow out of my system. ok gimmie a week.

2006-01-10T14:19:00.000+08:00

i came home today for the hari raya holiday, step into the house already 1st thing i see is shoes. alot of shoes. alot alot of shoes. fuckin' uncountable alot of shoes. all is my mother's shoes lah, so out of curiousity i pinch my nose and count. . . WAH LAO 51 PAIRS OF SHOES AND 3 PAIRS OF SLIPPERS! ! ! WTF!

apparently my mom was too bored ah, so she decided to empty her shoe cupboards (yes, cupboards, with an 's'). then she go and fall-in the shoes across the entire dining room, until almost at the entrance to my room. i want to go to my room, havew to be like Charlton Heston in "The Ten Commandments" (i.e. Moses parting the Red Sea, for all you non movie buffs) total got 54 piece of footwear leh, i think can start shop already lor. her name also can go change to "Imelda" (i told her that lah, but basket she didn't get the joke)

wah piang. i also out of curiousity go and count my footwear. . . 1 pair Asaki slippers (those type buy from market 2 dollar one)... 2 pair teva slippers and sandals (wear go for lessons). . . 1 pair Asics running shoe (wear go out one). . . 1 pair hush puppies black leather shoes (wear for formal formal event). . . 1 pair marks & spenser suede shoes (always wear go chiong)... 1 pair timberland loafers and 1 pair fifth avenue loafers (i see my mood to wear which one lah). . . 2 pair SAF running shoes (last time got too many credits then buy lor). . . 2 pair SAF gortex boot (1 parade 1 chiong sua). . . 1 pair soccer boots (use to kick ball lah then what?)

13 pairs in total only lehh. . . i think even if i summation all the shoes i ever wear from my baby time also would not have 50 pairs lor. . .

terrible lah, my mother. . . skarli she go and dig out somemore pair of shoes behind my back. . . then my room door cannot open liao.

2006-01-07T11:46:00.000+08:00

something quite funny happened to me in school a few days back, was having lunch with a few friends (identity withheld) haha when suddenly a friend's friend - a TNP journalist approached us, asking to interview us on some "campus matters". . . well it turned out that she wanted to ask questions on how prevalent is the sex culture in NUS is. . .

it was damn hilarious lah, especially when she named the "top 5 places to make out" and asked us for our opinion on it haha well i would not say any more, to protect identities lahh. . . then towards the end, she turned to a new page in her notebook, and asked us to write down our names, faculty, and contact number. wah laoz sibei stun. she passed the notebook to me 1st somemore haha next time i become some MP or what, then the interview confirm come back to haunt me. imagine the newspaper headline:

"MINISTER OF EDUCATION SAYS HE LOVES QUICKIES IN TOILET CUBICLES IN BETWEEN LESSONS"

no of course i did not say that. but well. . . u know how these journalists are. . . lol. . . (no offence meant to my wonderful friends doing comm studies in NTU)

yay i got 5 out of my 6 modules already, for the 1st 4 i paid 1 point each, then the last one, USE2304. . . haiz...

1hr before closed bidding: 17/18 (next min bid: 1)
start of closed bidding: 18/18 (next min bid: 2)
end of closed bidding: 19/18 (next min bid: 75)

there goes my 1pt virginity heh. i've used up 84pts for 10 mods in yr 1, as opposed to the desired 10. . . haha sian. if i ever find out who were the last 2 jokers who raised the bid i'll probably murder them until they die from it haha. urgh.

2006-01-04T01:09:00.000+08:00

I just came back from lunch at Golden Mile Complex, wah the food there 1st class sia. i ate char kway teow, 3x goreng pisang, fried dumplings and one whole glass of sugar cane, now super full. anyway that place i highly recommend. last time army that time used to go there buy barang barang, then always eat with my army kakis, so today was like a trip down memory lane. . . without having to buy arc of fire stick, range cards, sew rank etc. ORD LOH!

but anyway i wanna blog today because i feel very buay song about something. like this girl who last week write to straits times complaining say although she damn smart got 6pts for prelims cannot go into one of the "elite JC's". fuck lah i read already dulan, not because my O level score is double digit, but then she like never use brain before writing - the decision of whether you go or never go in to "elite JC's" is not in your (or the straits times)hands what. the MOE rule already state so clearly your CCA zai, minus 2 pt, your cheena ding gua gua, also minus another 2 pt. like that still can argue?

"This loophole in the system has certainly put students who do not take Higher Mother Tongue at a disadvantage." --> ya lah of course, then you think MOE give 2 bonus pts free of charge ah? macham gahmen give upgrading project just before general election. everything got reason one. ppl study more what, thats why they got deduction - because they worked for it! that logic surely not very difficult to understand for a 6-pointer? ah boh u say dont give 2pt deduction for CCA because it would put the "non-CCA inclined" students at a disadvantage? stupid girl.

last time i younger i also try to apply to one of the top 5 JC, then they give preference to 1st 3 months students although their O level score not so zai as mine, but they minus 2 more pts, so i never get a place there lah. unfair hor? aiyah this type of thing, complain until singapore got snow and england win world cup also no use lah. what to do? suck thumb lor. u write to newspaper forum, got what purpose? the editor in straits times can do anything to help you get that coveted place in an "elite JC"? i dont think so.

this type of people sibei talk cock. she this kind of pattern, i got absolutely no sympathy for her. i hope her O level result come out, her score come out more like blackjack score, then i laugh till my backside turn purple then take MC liao.

P.S: you can check out the letter she wrote, just go to this link:
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/forum/story/0,5562,362182-1136239140,00.html?

2006-01-01T22:44:00.000+08:00

Le temps detruit tout - Time destroys everything. i cannot help but feel this tagline really hammered home barely minutes after watching "Irreversible". the movie was extremely visceral in its impact thanks in no small amount to the brutal violence it showcased.

i wouldn't spoil the excellent show, but would just say that the movie centres around 2 acts of extreme brutality - one, a scene where a man literally has his head busted open and brains spilled out after being bashed in by a fire extinguisher; and secondly, and arguably more controversially, a 9min long anal rape scene in an underpass where the victim is physically assaulted and left to die afterwards.

as explicit it may be, it was not the violence but the underlying theme that i found the most striking - the destruction that the passing of time leaves in its wake. it is cruel because nothing and no one can be spared from it. like what was shown in the movie, you can be having the time of your life at a party for one moment, and in the next instance you're fighting for your life. remarkable as science may be, it does little to help us fathom what time is. we do not know. and until we come to realise what we do not know, we are powerless in its grasp. we are all victims of time.

i guess this is especially true at a significant juncture such as the passing of a year. memories are the best measure of time because they are stored in an un-intrudable space of one's mind,. yet one's memory is also his greatest weakness for it invariably (and often inexplicably) fails. if i were to pick out any 5 random dates of a random year that has passed, and asked you what you did on that date, would you be able to remember?

i doubt so.

if we are helpless to prevent the passing of time, then every fleeting moment of emotion, however miniscule, is tantamount to the most gut-wrenching acts of violence, rape, murder and revenge that i saw in the movie. simply because they both are Irreversible.

2005-12-29T00:47:00.000+08:00

ok time to settle down again after the furore of activity across the xmas weekend, so here are some updates of what's been happening in my life:

(1) i've finally decided on my modules this upcoming semester, once again, in no order of merit, they are. . .

SC1101E - MAKING SENSE OF SOCIETY
HY2247 - SPORTS AND HISTORY
HY2242 - SINGAPORE'S MILITARY HISTORY
EL2101 - STRUCTURE OF SENTENCES AND MEANINGS
USE2304 - SINGAPORE: MAKING OF A NATION
USS2105 - UNIVERSITY SCHOLARS SEMINAR

yes you didn't count wrongly - there are 6 modules in total. i just feel like trying to take 6 and then seeing how its like, surely it can't be that bad, no? and as i have explained to some, i'd rather get burnt than not have had the experience of playing with fire. wish me luck ya?

(2) my new photoblog is out, i've decided to change from my old one at webshots because i unknowingly exceeded the picture limit, so here it is:

http://beautifulbrandon.myphotoalbum.com

so to those wonderful USP peeps that have been asking me for the photos. . . they are all uploaded there (albeit not certain "controversial" pics that i shall withhold for my viewing pleasure lol)

(3) haha more movie reviews are on the way. . . i just downloaded "Irreversible" so watch this space for the movie review as well as other updates. . . till then. . . ciao!

and oh. . . WHY AM I STILL LOSING AT MAHJONG?!

2005-12-26T13:36:00.000+08:00

yes i know its a relatively old show, but you guys should really watch "Closer", its really good, one of the few movies that actually retained its "watchability" even after 2 times.

"Closer" is a powerful indictment of the harshness of love - it leads you on with an illusion of truth - the oasis in a desert of loneliness; yet ultimately gnaws into, and leaves you hurting at the end. it evokes sympathy when we see how 4 beautiful people throw themselves wholeheartedly to the desires of the heart only to find, by the time the closing credits flash onscreen, that their desire for happiness has been crushed to bits. the one thing worse than a momentary heartbreak is a lingering heartache.

the most compelling character for me was Julia Roberts' Anna, a photographer, someone whose profession entails, and endows her with the power of the gaze - people become the objects of her work that she proudly exhibits, and hence becomes the object of another person's gaze and judgement. yet there is a distinct reversal of power in her relationships with both the male characters, for, despite all the power she may wield over the camera, she can do little to stop the downward spiral of her relationships when she becomes part of someone else's life. the "closer" she becomes intertwined and contorted with the lives of the others, the more estranged they become from the relationship; the harder they try, the more they fail at the cliched Game of Love.

one thing that really struck me, and perhaps something that warrants further thought: what does the movie say about human relationships if the only thing we see the characters being truthful about is their physical attraction and hence, desire to sleep with each others? if truth necessitates the medium of sex, are we not carnal beings indulging in desires of the flesh? and if that is who we are beneath the veneers (and sheets), has our evolution from the primates then, been nothing but a myth?

2005-12-24T16:13:00.000+08:00

ok lah, teresa and the others were right - the results didn't turn out as bad as expected. in fact, i'm quite contented maybe because i didn't expect much from it lah. i could have done slightly better (especially for my wonderful usp modules, putting in the most effort for the least results lol) but at the same time could have done alot worse. . .

but whats important is that i don't want to diao zeng, die die must move on, put whatever successes and disappointments for this sem behind me and get ready to play the Game for another *curse silently under his breath* 7 semesters. . .

but NUS good ah, they give me results make me abit happy first, and then never pre-allocate to me one of my usp mods next sem, ULS2202 - Evolution. wah sibei sian. and since i am so spoilt (having got all my modules for 1pt this sem) i'll probably not bid for it at all . . . meaning that i gotta re-plan all the bloody modules again, but fark lah who do this sorta things during xmas one?!?!

the council's coming over pretty soon to wreck my house for the 2nd year running so in case you don't see any more blog posts after this, don't worry it just means i've been evicted out of my own dwellings and you'll probably find me within the next few days sleeping at a void deck near you. . . merry xmas!

2005-12-22T10:20:00.000+08:00

this has to be, by far the most rotten holiday i've ever had. feels like a colossal waste of my time and energy spent having to trudge through most of the days. i'm frustrated and drained. and yes, i know most of you would stone me alive for saying this, but i really wish for school to start - at least then i know that there is something that can give me a direction and purpose.

what is so rotten about this holiday. . . let me count the ways. . .
(1) computer kena spyware and display adaptor problems, still not resolved yet because of. . .

(2) me being totally broke (i started the sem with a mid 4-digit bank account balance and am now left with a 2-digit one), which can be partly due to. . .

(3) me continually losing at mahjong. yes i know that i sound like a bunch of really sour grapes, but i simply cannot stomach the fact that i've lost nearly a hundred bucks in less than a month. furthermore. . .

(4) my mom suddenly told me to shoulder the financial burden of my driving lessons + test without prior warning, something that is also gonna get worse next year because. . .

(5) i failed my fucking driving test for the 2nd time. i'm not going to go into details because its over and i do not want to talk about it, but having to re-take it plus a few lessons would essentially set be back by another 300 bucks at least which i obviously cannot spare at this current point of time.

and oh, the results are due to be out in less than 24 hours. i do not which to be bitter or cynical about it, but in retrospect of all that has transpired above, i cannot help but feel its just gonna be the icing on the cake - a perfect way to end of 2005. i started it off with a bang with signing 5 extra duties for a security breach in the army, so i guess i owe it to myself to end the year on an equal (if not more) spectacularly depressing mood eh?

its quite ironic really, the fact that my results - once thought before the holidays to be the only thing that would spoil the "festive mood" is now becoming the only thing that can "rescue" such a mood.

we reap what we have sown. really? in another 25 hours time we will see. . . 4.0. . . we will see. . .

2005-12-19T23:22:00.000+08:00

i was rather disturbed when i picked up a copy of the New Paper yesterday to find a report on 5 schoolgirls diagnosed with anorexia splashed across the front page.

now what really disturbed me was not the occurance of the eating disorders per se (hey, if necrophiles exist, why not anorexics?) but rather how these girls came to be affllicted by it. more pointedly, i am asking: how could the parents of the girls not know what was unfolding before their eyes? let's just take this for instance: i stumble home at 3am, and after fumbling unsuccessfully for about a minute finally open the Fort Knox-like door to my house, my mom wakes up from the pandemonium, glares at me from head to toe, and instantly gives me a dressing down: "BRANDON!! YOU'VE BEEN (insert either: DRINKING/SMOKING/SCREWING THE NEIGHBOUR'S POOCH) AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU?!"

now, along those lines. . . wouldn't any conscientious parent (like my mom) find it puzzling if their child has been displaying overt signs of eating disorders (or animalistic sexual tendencies)? unless of course, they hardly give 2 hoots to whether their child has stopped eating and/or started growing antlers from his head. it seems that these parents conveniently negate such disorders as being lesser in magnitude compared to say, losing money in mahjong. . .

the absent role of parents in teenage lives - that is the root problem society has to address here, not how the prevalence of violent television programs and "online movements started by aneroxic fans" have influenced teenage minds of today. granted, certain scenes may be hmmm. . . overtly graphical, but isn't that the fucking reason why its called "entertainment"? sex and violence sell, and in so doing, flim companies are merely preventing themselves from going into the red.

as cliche as it sounds, the teenage years are truly the most impressionable of one's life, it is an age where one develops a semblence of an identity and demands to be impacted. the case of anorexia in the papers shows how, in the absense of such strong guiding influences coming from the people who brought these girls into the world (read: PARENTS) the girls undertake a journey of self-discovery and peer acceptance by themselves, with well. . . neither spectacular nor desirable results.

the apple does not fall far from the tree, and deep inside their hearts the parents of the girls are probably embarassed to acknowledge that. so they wag the dog and divert the blame onto just about everything they can lay their accusatory fingers on - the media, the educational system, the Teletubbies, and poor ol' David Beckham for wearing Victoria's thongs. excuses are scant attempts to cover up one's inadequacies and failings.

if you cannot afford the time to be with your children to know them and their struggles better, then you do not deserve to be a parent. there are no two ways, nor excuses that you can give to vindicate your actions (or rather, the lack of it).

2005-12-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

i have been so bored these past few days i've resorted to reading past issues of FHM and NewMan, sleeping for entire afternoons on end and, lo and behold, cleaning up my room (which entailed banishing all the notes and textbooks used this sem to some remote abyss in some corner where the sun doesn't shine). yet in such dark times, a light shone forth, beckoning me to do something worthwhile with my life and. . . well, decide on the modules i'll be taking next sem, so in no order of merit, they are:

SC 1101E - MAKING SENSE OF SOCIETY
HY 2247 - SPORTS AND HISTORY
HY 2251 - FROM THE WHEEL TO THE WEB
EL 2101 - STRUCTURE OF SENTENCES AND MEANINGS
USE 2304 - SINGAPORE: MAKING OF A NATION

if suicidal tendencies get the better of me and i choose to take 6 modules for the fun and experience of having every ounce of my energy and time squeezed dry, my 6th module would be a toss-up between:

ULS 2202 - EVOLUTION OR
HY 3226 - MEMORY, HERITAGE AND HISTORY

so, having said that. . . anyone intending to take the same modules and rescue me next sem? tag tag tag tag tag!!!

2005-12-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

urgh i feel like i just gotta get this off my chest. was going down to City Hall yesterday for the USC production meeting, and on the bus i had the distinct dishonour of sitting 2 seats away from this VJC squeaker and his litter of 2 equally squealish gal pals.

wah lim beh super fucking annoyed lah, NOT ONLY because of his stupid i-think-through-my-ass comments like "i'm glad that Miss South Africa this year is a black girl - it shows that they [South Africa] are finally emerging and learning to accept its apartheid past". eh i not pol sci major, but can someone explain to me what that statement means? how does the selection of a woman to represent the country in a beauty pageant show that the country is "emerging and learning to accept its apartheid past??" i scratch head, scratch nose, scratch balls long long also cannot think of the answer. you got answer go tagboard and tag.

BUT ALSO because of his voice which sounded a pitch too high for an 18yr old guy - i swear i didn't see him pinching his balls although i figure that if he did, and got really excited (and more squeakish) in the process he would pretty much qualify for the first ever human dog whistle. "squeeze my balls, watch me drive your pet pooch wild".

besides, the last time i checked, the 2 previous Miss South Africas were also black (pardon my usage once again of the politically-incorrect term). so not only did mr smarty pants annoy the shit out of me, he got his bloody facts wrong! nothing is more hilarious than someone trying his darnest best to act as though he possessed an intelligence and a general knowledge. hell yea, i wouldn't be surprised if he thought the Springboks to be a brand of mattress.

when lim beh super fucking pissed off lim beh go sit on e seat directly opposite the whelp and diao him. ok lah, maybe not diao, but give him that super sympathetic "wah-your-master-never-give-u-lunch-and-i'm-really-sorry-for-you" sorta look. wah u should see the effect man, he tiok stunned macham you play mahjong and throw out the winning tile for one clown to win man tai ya lor he got that kind of look on his faggot face. but i think that fella also quite smart lah, because after a while he talk softer liao. then almost missed his stop somemore. hurry hurry press bell then tiok diao by bus driver. hahahaha i think i ruffled his fur a bit too much lah, now must go back to dog hotel go for grooming session.

i'm such an asshole lah, skarli next time i reincarnate as dog than jialat liao. CHOI! PUI!

Ozymandias

2005-12-11T03:39:00.000+08:00

The cruelty of History is that it creates its own historian, who in turn creates his own History. A single individual in this History finds his existance negated by the burden of objectification from the scrutiny of the historian. When a person dies, it is a tragedy; when a thousand die, it becomes a statistic worth jotting down.

What does a single, and probably insignificant life matter when one is considering the "big picture"? is he not part of the teeming masses that are birthed and pass into oblivion every day? who are these people anyway? can we even put a face to their names? History, a discipline of remembering, conveniently "forgets" the good and benevolent bits of humanity, a historian's world is polarised into the dualities of black and white - with no where in between.

History bestows the curse of "ordinary-ness". Because it "forgets" it is a harsh discipline to master, one that requires a harsher person to succeed in his pursuit of it. Yet he who is capable of breaking free from the shackles of mediocrity will have his name engraved on the annals of History. But does he then not become but a relic of History? a subject of his own study?

Until the day comes where History judges and carves me in the likeness of Ozymandias for what i have achieved in this life, i stand as my own magistrate.

2005-12-08T01:37:00.000+08:00

Please do not tell me what my values and goals in life are supposed to be. I'd rather lie to you and burn for it than broach the truth and watch your heart shatter in front of me.

I love you enough to know that i would eventually hurt you. please do not give me a chance to do so now.

2005-12-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

what prompts certain people to dedicate their life towards travelling and exploring the world? i was at Seah Im having dinner with my mom the other day when this rather haggard looking ang moh fella came up and asked me for a light. i didn't have one, but he found someone who did and sat across the table from me, asking whether i mind if he smoked. i told him to go ahead(much to the extreme displeasure and annoyment of mom)

he seemed like quite a nice fella, and since i'm generally friendly towards strangers, we started talking. . . he's pretty amazing - he works during summer in his home country (Germany omg he actually stays in Baden Baden, the gateway to the Black Forest!! wow that's like how beautiful lor)and spends every autumn and winter for the past 18 years travelling around the world, especially Asia.

i asked him why doesn't he settle down and start a family? his reply: "oh i've got many wives all over Asia already. . . Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand. . . but haven't found one in Singapore yet". i told him he was wasting his time looking for one here in spore, and we had a good laugh over it - again much to the extreme displeasure of my mom. haha but i digress.

in secondary sch, i submitted an entry for the Commonwealth Essay Competition entitled "travel does little but confirm our existing prejudices and suspicions". although that idealistically uncynical piece was written 6-7 years ago (fuck i'm THAT old), as i spoke to the German that night i irrevocably found myself being brought back to a time where there were no strangers outside the fence - and somehow, i found myself wanting to travel all over again.

2005-12-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

GROWL THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH AH. . . NICOLE AND STACEY. . .

Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!

Here are the 5 stuff (all of mine deal with weird injuries):

1.in my boredom i once killed an ant by burning it to death with a lighted cigarette. i succeeded in my act of unadulterated sadism. but it was also quite a painful experience for me because erm. . . the ant was on my hand.

2.in my drunkenness i tried to climb a fence to get out of a friend's house. i succeeded in scaling the height. but then i made a fatal mistake - i looked down, had a sudden rush of vertigo, and fell like a rotten durian from a tree, getting scratched by barbed wire in the process (and no, the fence didn't collapse)

3.in my over-exuberance in avoiding a sliding tackle when playing soccer in primary school, i made a gigantic leap into the air. when i was "airborne" for that one second i fancied i looked damn macho, but that second passed too quick without me knowing. i landed awkwardly and sprained my ankle.

4.in my curiousity as a 1yr old kid (yes, i "kid" u not) i pushed a vase down from a coffee table to examine the effects of gravity. i then attempted to further my research by proving that gravity acts on humans too. so i jumped off the table. straight into the shattered glass.

5.in my sheer stupidity i once tried to whisper something into my friend's ear when we were dancing in a club. she went "huh?" turned around and in so doing have me a gigantic elbow smash that knocked my specs off and gave me a cut on my nose bridge.

and now for the fun part. . . charlotte, lynnette, xing jian, kitty and bobby. . . if you're reading this. . . congrats, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED! remember to "acknowledge" me hor? lol.

2005-11-30T09:53:00.000+08:00

"And so it fizzles out, just like that. you open your prized Bollinger to find it flat, its bead gone, the once full flavour escaping the definitions of your connoisseur tastebuds, the liquid once eliciting an unashamed romp through sensations now nothing but unremarkable sparkling water off a supermarket shelf. an anti-climax of your bottled desire. you are trapped in a situation tinged with wasteful regret. an absurd tragedy unfolds with yourself as the reluctant protagonist. time, like a house of cards, collapses at that moment and traps you in a parody of self-constructed foolishness.

But there would always be another bottle. another time."

i wrote that the moment i got home last night, what it refers to you do not need to crack your head to figure out (i doubt you would anyway). yes i am still sore over my paper 3 grade, but not altogether beyond consolation and hope. colllecting the paper just before my exam was a bad mistake for with every word i wrote the abject disappointment seemed to reverberate ad nauseam. to cut the grandfather story short, it felt like fuck lah, the only piece of work i felt i put the most effort in turns out to be the most heart-breaking. but as with all other disappointments to have had the misopportunity to cross my path, i put it aside (and fancy i did quite a good job too).

But there would always be another (39) modules. the result of one term paper is scant vindication to my capability. i know that. and that is all that matters.

and yes, in light of my previous entries, i hope this entry justifies the fact that i am fully adept at constructing grammatical and coherent sentences not punctuated (and accentuated) with vulgarities. no dictionaries, thesauruses and excess brain cells were harmed in the production of this blog post. enjoy the holidays while they last!

2005-11-29T01:05:00.000+08:00

i am now having an existentialist moment. ok that moment passed the moment i let out an earth-shattering fart. eh u know whats killing those birds in china, taiwan etc? clue: maybe its related to my 1st sentence, but you don't tell anyone hor? we keep it a secret ok? your name don't have to be Victoria to keep secret lah, although if you name Victoria and u reading this now, kindly tag me with your contact no and favourite (existential) position then we can have interactive discussion of my "essence" hor?

fuck i sound like a not-too-successful watermelon seller.

ok lah, i talk serious now, got plenty of time for watermelons, girls, and girls with watermelons later on (especially the last one), but now i talk serious ok because i'm a serious academic undergraduate. Existentialism is a philosophical movement that views human existence as having a set of underlying themes and characteristics, such as anxiety, dread, freedom, awareness of death, and consciousness of existing, that are primary. (sounds sibei cheem right? eh HELLO, i take that definition from wikipedia, sorry ah i dunno how to do footnote for blog, i make disclaimer firrst, later kena sue until i spend alot more existential moment in changi prison staring at chao bapok licking his lips at me)

if we are, using Heidegger's phrase, really "thrown" into the world we find ourselves in (macham doing jungle training without compass), how are we to find meaning (an "orientation" literally and metaphorically) in our lives? is there even a "meaning" to it beyond dreaming of girl selling (her) watermelons? happiness? anguish? ambivalence? are these not constructs of our emotional register? if our "meaning" in life is determined by a mosaic of such emotions intertwined together, and we create these emotions, do we not then create our own "meaning" to life as an independent entity?

existentialism appeals simply because it as an ideology offers a carte blanche for us to create our own fantasies (u want girl selling durian, also can), our own needs (watermelon can take and make watermelon cake, watermelon agar agar etc.) and fundamentally, our own destiny (eat too much watermelon wait u look like watermelon). basically, YOU create YOUR own life in the mould that YOU deem fit (u be called "king of watermelon" then everyone kowtow to you)

"existence precedes essence", quotes Sartre. think about it. it is the importance of living and not merely existing along the parameters of an "essence", (connoting a "pre-determinedness"). to me, watermelon si watermelon. beer si beer. and it is "pre-determined" that watermelon and beer cannot cham lest u lao sai bad bad. wah lao who want to lao sai bad bad i ask u? jessica alba got advertise watermelon tiger beer anot? don't have right? BUT BUT. . . if you want to be garang, defying the "rules" set in place by a pre-determined essence by mixing the 2, who's to say you're wrong? how can you be "wrong" against a not-explicit rule? not like must go 90km/h on singapore expressway because signboard say so

no one determines the "essence" of life for us. we construct it ourselves because we have the power to choose. We live. We breathe. We choose. the struggle is thus, not of high-order ideologies (like differentiation) that only people who got IQ above 140 can fathom, but a very basic one - in spite of the shackles of "essence", are you in control of your own destiny? you just dont be a muthafarker and skip NS can liao.

2005-11-27T03:06:00.000+08:00

this post would probably ruffle a few feathers but i don't care. this post is about Melvyn Tan. i saw his pic today in The New Paper, wah i tell u he got this really "qian da" kinda smug faggot face, ya the kind i feel damn orgasmic after breaking his nose because i know deep inside my heart that i've done the world a favour. but since i'm an educared university undergrad who believes e penis, i mean, pen, is mightier than the sword, i shall blog about it.

to start off, i would like to pose this question: "are you proud that he's a Singaporean?" world-class renowned pianist. BIG MUTHA FARKING DEAL. let me kindly remind u that it was HIS OBLIGATION to serve his national service as a citizen of singapore whether or not he had one testicle or could give a good finger fuck to govt officials with those longer, slender fingers of his. his ability to pleasure a piano is thus SECONDARY to his role as a citizen

i am going to be very partisan on this. the issue here is not about a faggot with "golden balls" (as one of my men used to call "white horses" in the army) escaping national service. there is a larger issue here - one of our national defence which is not solely the responsibility of a couple of $1.20 beer guzzling SAF regulars. we hold the pink IC, we hold the red passport. we fight for our country. missing testicle or not. i will be absolutely blunt - i am extremely saddened to see the govt of the republic of singapore attaching a price of S$5000 to its national defence.

national defence is the responsibility of everyone, be it a straight 'A' scholar with telescopes for spectacles or your friendly neighbourhood pimp, chicken rice seller (uncle i say u in my blog u give me discount next time hor?) and ah long san. notice i said "everyone" and not "exclude those who can play piano". what the fuck i can play recorder damn zai, so does that mean i can skip NS because i'm a big fuck recorder player? ok lah i admit i dont have long slender fingers so cannot finger fuck well lah, but i play recorder leh, so i can blow well, like that got count not? KNN

to me, shim Melvyn is just plain selfish, to quote the words of my mom when i come home drunk "u think what, this [house] your hotel ah?" does the same not apply to (s)him? he decides one fine day he misses chicken rice and being escorted by SPG's in Orchard Towers and so decides happily to make a glorious return to his "homeland" ala Odysseus to his native Ithaca. PUI! too bad i can't do that in his face. u freeloader. you take advantage of your citizenship in s'pore and one day u come back like big hero, u think what? govt suppose to kowtow at your feet? even if they do, i will not. u break my leg also i wont. PUI! I SPIT AT YOUR FACE AGAIN BECAUSE I SHOIK. you selfish bastard. i hope you break your fucking fingers in the futile and herculean attempt to get your toothpick to erect.

it may sound old-fashioned, but i will state this loud and clear: i was born in this country, i was brought up in this country, i would probably start a family and have kids in this family, i would probably withdraw my CPF money to treat my liver failure in this country, and i sure as fucking hell would die in this country.

for your own sake sister, i hope i don't ever see you in person. you disgust me. i hope you burn in hell man, eh don't worry lah i'll be there with you along with the neighbourhood pimp (always try and make me see his vietnam girls), chicken rice seller (always put a buay tahan amount of MSG and bluff me say he use kampung chicken) and ah long san (always damn inconsiderate dont want to use washable paint on my door) too bad for u lah, got no piano.

sorry ah my past few posts have been damn dulan, i will try and turn over a new leaf soon k? but u all cannot dulan me and don't read my blog anymore k?

2005-11-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

ok i'm feeling alot better now after a few games of quite brainless (well, not quite) Minesweeper Flags on MSN last night as well as a very satisfying one whole day of non-studying therapy today, and capped with some quite excellent claypot rice at kreta ayer food centre. . . i love that place man

i had a little argument with mom last night about (surprise surprise) exams. she told me straight to the face that i wasn't putting in enough effort because i told her i "fucked up my [elang] exam" (yes, i used those very same words). who are you to make such a deduction if i do not even see you for 5.5 days a week? what do YOU know about the effort i'm putting in? like seriously?

well it seems to me that you would never be satisfied with whatever results i get. honestly, if i had NEVER followed your advise to study at the table, have early nights etc. what in the world makes you think that i would start listening to you NOW? after it has got me all the way into *kowtows at the sound of the word* university? urgh can't you get the hint that i DO NOT like to be prodded with nonsensical questions about exams after i have taken the paper or to have to plonk my ass down on the chair in order to be an (un)willing audience to your great philosophical musings about the paper chase in s'pore. its like telling eskimos how to build igloos, what the hell do YOU know about it eh?

i was gonna blog last night, but decided against it because i felt i was still too "hot". and all the better, because i just came across this quote, which i would like to dedicate to you, mom:

Ask me to play, I'll play.
Ask me to shoot, I'll shoot.
Ask me to pass, I'll pass.
Steal. Block out.
Sacrifice. Lead. Dominate.
Anything.

But it's not what you ask of me.
It's what I want of myself.